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09-7-2008 - We Lost the Baby

My mood while writing this blog: very depressed

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John took a half day of work yesterday so he could come to see the first real ultrasound and to hear the heartbeat for the first time. we were veryy excited.

see, i didnt know i had to schedule the ultrasound ahead of time though because ive never done this before, and the ultrasound machine was at the hospital, not at the docs office. but we were still really excited that we could hear the heartbeat!

we get there and we talked for a minute with the doctor and then he was like.. "is that your purse?" i was like yeah. he asks if i had a cell phone and i was like yeahh.. thinking i was gonna get in trouble for having it... but then he picked my purse up and was like "well grab your cell phone and get it on video mode cuz your about to hear the heartbeat!!" i was soo excitedd! i got it on record and he couldnt find the heartbeat so i turned it off. i was a little worried cuz like i said before i was afraid something went wrong. then he got quiet and started feeling my stomach and everything.

then he asked if i wanted the ultrasound that day. i was like YEAHH!!! so he left and got on the phone and we could hear him talking and he sounded worried and said he really thinks i should have the ultrasound today. so then i got nervous. he told me that the workers were going to work overtime to get me the ultrasound so then i got real scared cuz they dont just do that to be nice. something had to be wrong.

we get to the hospital and go to the ultrasound room and shes doing the ultrasound and wouldnt answer any of my questions. i saw the baby on the screen but it looked alot smaller than what its supposed to be so i freaked out, then she tried looking for a heartbeat and it was a flatline so i freaked out even more. then she asked us to wait in the waiting room. i go out there and cry cuz i knew something was wrong with my baby.

she calls me back in and hands me a phone. it was my doctor. he said that something went wrong with the heart and thats when i started balling my eyes out. thats when i knew it had died. i still heard him talking over my crying and he said "im very sorry for your miscarrige. is anyone else with you?" and i just handed the phone to john and cried my eyes out.

i cried for the rest of the night. im okay today but i still get teary when i think about it or talk about it.

everything happens for a reason.
maybe im just not ready for a baby yet.

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27 Comments on We Lost the Baby


hot-lyk-fya - Wednesday, 13 Aug
so sorry to read about your loss. i lost mine last october aswell, trust me things will get easier as time goes on although u may not feel like that right now. stay strong xx

samzie - Wednesday, 23 Jul
sorry for ur loss hun
its never easy to get over the death of a child if ur 6 weeks or they r 60 yrs old they still ur babys my thoughts are with u and alll i can say after going throw it 3 times is when u get a momment think of ur baby and remeber u hold them in ur heart always x better luck in the future xxxx

krystasappleseed - Tuesday, 22 Jul
Your little angel is watching over you. Don't worry god has an even better plan for all of you. I hope the pain heals quickly and you have the strength to try again.

krystasappleseed - Tuesday, 22 Jul
Your little angel is watching over you. Don't worry god has an even better plan for all of you. I hope the pain heals quickly and you have the strength to try again.

~Alicia~ - Tuesday, 22 Jul
I am so sorry for your loss. Try to think positive, easier said than done. I went through a miscarriage last year and I know the heartache it brings. I will say a prayer for you and I wish you all the best. My doctor told me that so many things have to happen for a baby to be born. So many things have to "click". It is amazing anyone of us are here. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.


alicia-1-14-09 - Friday, 18 Jul
I'm so sorrry u lost the baby. I just read my messages. I know how u feel. I went through the same thing earlier this year. Just stay strong.I'm here if u need me. Feel free to ask me anything or talk about anything.

mandy poo - Friday, 18 Jul
stay strong the both of you,dont give up. my thoughts and prayers are with you both xx

-newnaam - Monday, 14 Jul
oh my god, i am so sorry for you sweetie. i hope you dont give up and try again soon, my good friend misscarried twice before she finally has reached five months, so we are hoping for the best. i hope you feel better and we are all praying for you.

red79 - Saturday, 12 Jul
I am so sorry for your loss. I know that it is hard to deal with something like this. My heart goes out to you and yours.

amber luvs jim - Friday, 11 Jul
So sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through. You are in my prayers.

stardusted - Friday, 11 Jul
I am so sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk or vent just message me. Again i am so sorry.

johnsbabymama - Thursday, 10 Jul
I'm so sorry for your loss, i couldn't imagine how you feel. Reading your story wanted to make me cry. And your right the only postive way to look at it is, everything happens for a reason. You would have been a great mommy to your baby. best wishes for you and john!

weLOVEourKIDZ - Thursday, 10 Jul
omg sweety i am so sorry!

Cindie - Thursday, 10 Jul
I am so sorry for you, can I ask how far along you are/were?

I only ask because sometimes a woman will think shes "this" far along and turns out to be "that" far along and the baby's too little for a heartbeat to be seen yet.

And remember, if you did m/c it had NOTHING to do with anything you did. It has to do with a chromosomal abnormality most of the time.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

msmillsap08 - Thursday, 10 Jul
Im so sorry for your baby, please take the time you need to mourn for her. I hope that you are somehow able to find peace soon.

ericalynn333 - Thursday, 10 Jul
o00o0 hun im very sorry for u ...i had a miscarriage 2 years ago and it is hard i know, u r right everything happens for a reason .good luck to u hun :)

momof2luvbugs - Thursday, 10 Jul
Omg hun, I am so sorry. My thoughts & prayers are wtih you guys! Again, I am so sorry.

brie - Thursday, 10 Jul
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my first at 6 weeks but I didn't find out until week 10. Again I'm so sorry.

carmendayle - Thursday, 10 Jul
I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss hun, and your right, everything does happen for a reason, and next time maybe it will be the right time. Try and keep your head up, and these ladies on this site are so helpful, keep us all updated, and were here to listen...

mummypig - Thursday, 10 Jul
thinking of you and sending my love xx

nickibella - Thursday, 10 Jul
Omg I am veryy sorry you have to go through that! But God does have a reason && im sure its a damn good one. I wish you good luck with your boyfriend and your next pregnancy if you plan to try again!

molly2416 - Thursday, 10 Jul
I have been there before. I'm SO sorry. There is nothing like the pain that your going threw. I'm here if you need me. Like I said I KNOW what your going threw I have been there.

mommy2be9911 - Thursday, 10 Jul
Oh honey! I'm so sorry to hear that! I teared up reading your blog. I'm always here if you want to talk.

theMRS - Wednesday, 9 Jul
i am so sorry for your loss. i know how you feel. i had a m/c in may @ 7wks. god has a plan for all of us. we were so devistated when we lost ours. i just found out this week that i am again expecting. we both want to be excited but are very hesitant and scared after our last m/c. we just take it one day at a time. we pray that this one will be a keeper. i believe that everything happens for a reason and when it it time, it'll happen. we were TTC for over a year and lost that one. with this one, it just kind of happened on its own, not even thinking about it. he/she will come when its time. dont worry about it. i think they know.
take care.

SMiller - Wednesday, 9 Jul
I am so sorry. I'l keep you and John in my prayers.

12vikki7 - Wednesday, 9 Jul
awww...sweetie i am soo sorry for your loss...i know it had to be very difficult!!! if u ever want to talk about it i'm here for u....

Dustyrose001 - Wednesday, 9 Jul
Im so sorry sweetie, Ill keep you in my prayers