chevychic96's I-am-pregnantblog

chevychic96
	Age: 26 Country: United States Province/region: Ohio City: Partner: Husband Bill Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Please select Due date: 09 0 ,0000 Occupation: Customer Service Rep
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 754 days ago. Member since: 1058 days
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07-12-2009 - Depression?

My mood while writing this blog:
Sad, Angry, tired...

I want to start off by saying it is taking of me to put this out there, but I feel like I might need help.

My son is 8 weeks old now (and i also have an 18 month old boy) and I have been feeling extremely depressed, angry, overwhelmed and many other feelings lately. I have had a lot of the feelings ever since my son was born, but the past 2 weeks the have gotten way worse! For 2 weeks after he was born I would go through daily crying spells for no reason....but I assumed that was normal beacause of all the hormones. Now, 8 weeks later I am feeling so many crazy emotions and i feel like I just can't deal with them myself ....to be honest I can't believe that I feel the way I do, I feel like a piece of shit mother and wife!

I have not connected with my son at all yet, I mean I love him and I take care of him, but I feel no connection to him what so ever....HOW THE HELL CAN A MOTHER FEEL THIS WAY??? I went back to work today and dropped him off at the sitters and I even forgot to kiss him good bye.....where are my motherly instincts that I had with my 18 month old, what is my problem?! He does not like to sleep at all during the night and when he cries I get so angry and annoyed......why don't I just comfort him like a mother should?! I am always poitning out everything negative lately and never want to do anything. Over my last 3 weeks of maternity leave I gained 8 pounds because I just ate when I was sad and never accomplished anything that I set out to do for the day. My marriage is completely falling apart because of the stress of everything and I have major anxiety that my husband will find someone else, someone who is not a nut case! I haven't been intimate with my husband for over 3 MONTHS and I feel like we are strangers....and I find myself blaming my son for this.....I am always saying that I can't handle this new life and everything was easier before he was here! And now that I started back to work, everything is just so overwhelming I just want to run away....I feel so selfish and compleltly defeated in life.....how the hell can I have these thoughts, I feel like I am never going to be a good mother to my son or a wife. This is all just the tip of the iceberg, but I had to get it off my chest....I think I am going to call a doctor tomorrow, I am starting to scare myself! I don't even know where to start or who to call, but I think I need help at this point.

Is or has anyone else experieneced this? Please let me know if you have, I never imagined I would be feeling this way and i relly would like to talk to someone who has been through this. Thank you for reading

9 Comments on Depression?

ari08(ariana) - Tuesday, 8 Dec
I am proud of you for putting your feelings out there. My DS is 7 weeks and my first baby. I thought there was going to be this instant bond, but I honestly am not feeling that adoring love feeling. I mean I do love him, but I find myself feeling okay just letting him cry. I am tired all the time and sometimes just wish it was just me and my fiancee again. Just know that while your feelings are normal, it's okay to seek out help. My parents live pretty much downthe street so I am always calling and cryingto them. I have no friends with kids. Know your not alone and we are women and we are mothers and we are strong. We can do anything, just sometimes, we need a little help.:)

amazintrace - Tuesday, 8 Dec
Hey hon, just know that none of this is your fault ... you are completely out of control - I know how you feel ... go get help - I promise you will feel better. FYI - I always heard to ask your OB/GYN but when I did he only told me it was normal given what I had been through (my mom died 2 weeks before I delivered my son). I suffered for several more months and finally went to see my family doctor about all the anxiety, anger, and difficulty coping with day to day life ... I felt so many of the things you have mentioned. He gave me medication, an anti-depressant called Pristiq. I am off of it now, but it helped me when I needed it without sexual side effects! Best of luck to you. ~Tracey

Peachy09 (Ashlyn) - Tuesday, 8 Dec
Okay, so you could be writing my story! My DS's are 18 mo & 8 wks too, & I get SO frustrated. I'm lucky enough to still be on maternity leave & I have left the older one in daycare because I just can't handle two. And I still get so upset I can't get my newborn on anything even resembling a schedule. And sadly my hubby says the boys & house are all my responsibility cuz I'm on maternity leave...please don't get too upset! It's normal to get frustrated & sad & even with my 1st I don't think I bonded with him this early. Babies only have so much personality & just eat sleep & poop. Bonding will come! And don't be afraid of depression medication...sometimes our PPD needs a nudge to help us get back into control for a few months. Nothing wrong with that.

heathert - Tuesday, 8 Dec
sorry on your first poll I confussed you with someone else who has older children also, I should have looked at your profile.

heathert - Tuesday, 8 Dec
I agree you need to call your Dr. he has seen this before and will be able to help you. Does your husband know how you are feeling? You are doing a good thing be reaching out here but you need to take care of yourself and get better before you can fully take care of anyone else.I feel for you I cant begin to imagine how you are feeling. Take care and call your Dr there is help. Let me know how you are doing. This is normal even though it does not seem like it. Many moms suffer with it. Maybe have your husband go with you to help him understand what you are going through. I understand it is hard I have a 17 month old and 4 week old.

rosye13 - Tuesday, 8 Dec
I would definitely call a doctor. And remember, don't be so hard on yourself. This is not you. This is the chemical changes in your body causing you to feel this way. It happens to many women. I think I've had mild cases with both births. If it is getting to a point that you need some help, that's okay. Get the medication that you need. It is no different than having any other illness that you need medicine for. You deserve to feel better and to be able to enjoy your new family.

Maddux - Tuesday, 8 Dec
Hi-I just commented on your poll about this. First, realize you are not alone. I went this after I had my daughter and it is horrible. I felt like such a horrible mother because I felt numb and indifferent toward my daughter (I feel guilty even typing that but its true). I became distant toward my husband and yet cried like a baby when he would leave me alone with my daughter. I would talk to your obgyn about depression. I didn't do anything about it until I was barely functioning. I spent the days in a haze and now realize I can't get back that time with my daughter and that makes me so sad. I am pregnant with my second child right now and am so scared of repeating this but I'm hoping being educated about it beforehand will help. Just know that I am here if you want someone to talk to. I have been down that road and it is not fun. Hang in there.

hotlipsmommy - Tuesday, 8 Dec
join the club i feel that way to and my baby never stop crying

~YummyMummy~ - Tuesday, 8 Dec
Hi darlin, I think you should call a doctor asap, by the sounds of it you may be suffering from postnatal depression and you are definately not on your own, many mothers suffer from this and never seek help and suffer in silence. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem and seeking help. Don't beat yourself up about it there is lots of help and support out there. I would suggest that you let your husband read your post, tell him you love him but thats how you truely feel and you need his love and support more than ever to get you through this. You are NOT on your own but please seek help. It will get better I promise :) Good luck xoxox

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