08-5-2008 - READY TO BE SKINNY AGAIN!

My mood while writing this blog: Impatient

ok, so i haven't written in here in a while-it's been hard to get up every morning...omg. it seems i cant bother to wake myself up to do my "bidness" in the middle of the night. I have had two episodes where i was lookin for the potty and was actually sleep walking. yikes...my poor husband is probably going to have me sent to the nearest mental institution....either that or slap a straight jacket on me when i sleep.

so, we had our "baby class" on saturday and whoa...some of those women are PANSIES! OMG! GRANTED-i have never gone through labor and don't know the pain, but MY GOD! women have been doing this for EONS and only a select few have died from it. i think it's a mind over matter kind of thing...if you're afraid of it hurting, and you THINK about it, it's GONNA HURT way worse than if you just go in there with an open mind and think that you CAN do it with out all the moaning and whining. Thats another thing...I'm HUGELY pregnant...I'm all belly...i see women who CANT be further along than 12-15 weeks and they are WADDLING! i just was to walk up and smack them. YES, we KNOW you're pregnant, and NO youre NOT big enough to waddle...just wait til that baby drops and you feel like you're walkin with a canteloupe stuck up in your ...ahem...THEN you'll have something to waddle about! the ONLY time i allow myself to waddle is when i have a full bladder and i gotta get somewhere fast. and i got that cantaloupe thing goin on...dang. it's bad too...but i tell myself-it just means that i only have a few more weeks of this, and then i'll have a precious little boy! we were shown some VERY graphic videos of some VERY unpretty OLD chicks giving birth...and uh, they didn't leave ANYTHING to the imagination. i now know EXACTLY what it looks like when the baby crowns...and much to my voraciously insatiable libido's disappointment, so does my husband. :( total "mood" killer. i don't think it would be that bad if the chicks were at least cute...and younger...I didn't know 50 year old women COULD have babies...wow...

my husband gets tripped out over the whole "you have a person in your tummy-that's so freakin cool!" yeah, babe-you WOULD think it's cool...you're not the one with the bladder of a hummingbird, or a cantaloupe in your naughty bits, you don't have tatas that grow to abnormal sizes (Always wondered exactly what my DDs would look like even bigger..and YIKES. the phrase "two midgets in a headlock" comes to mind), and you don't have to wear special clothes, you don't have absolute strangers asking you what position you conceived in-oh yes, this REALLY happened. I pulled an ally mcbeal-I imagined myself bashing her head into the checkout belt screaming "WHAT "EFFIN" POSITION DO YOU THINK I DID IT IN? WHAT EFFIN POSITION WERE YOU CONCEIVED IN?" we did it like rabbits up until the 18th week or so, i don't even know what DAY i conceived in...and when you do it more than once a day, how the h*** am i supposed to pin down the position? and FURTHER MORE-what freakin business is it of hers? I gave her the "dirty look from h***" and i think she got the picture. do people not THINK?

And about people not thinking...my husband and i have been invited to all sorts of events in our hometown-THREE HOURS away from us...ok, wait-that would be SIX HOURS-remember the hummingbird bladder? I'm not shy either-I pee behind the bushes too! These events occur in the next month or two and we are "EXPECTED" to be there...um yeah...you see the belly? I'm already "measuring three and half weeks further" and you want me to do WHAT?!? Where i could potentially go into labor and not be anywhere NEAR my doctor/hospital? um, no, sorry. again, I ask, do people not THINK!?

One event i will SURELY miss is is a wedding. My VERY good friend Summer (who happens to be my husband's cousin) is GETTING MARRIED! OMG, WOW. The guy she's marrying is AWESOME and totally perfect for her. I HOPE beyond all hope i can make it to the wedding. she's told me all the details of their wedding and it sounds AWESOME. I'm hoping the baby comes about two weeks early so we will be able to take him with us. I don't want to drag him halfway across the state if he's too young. AND i want enough time to lose some weight...ech. the other parties and events i wont really miss...sorry, but that's how i feel...

so i'm definately getting bigger. it's getting QUITE uncomfortable. Wouldn't be so bad if my @$$ weren't growing too...the clothing thing is getting to me. my maternity pants are getting tighter (partly due to the fact that my belly is pushing them tighter and partly cause i'm storing away fat) and SO HELP ME, if ONE MORE MAN tells me i look like i'm about to pop...I'm SLUGGING him. I've got ALOT of pent up aggression (lack of babydancin) and i am NOT afraid to use it! NO woman wants to hear that, much LESS a PREGNANT HORMONAL woman. She already feels like a camel (the doctor is telling me that all this fat i'm packin on will be good for breastfeeding) and a cow (milk maker...) and a beached whale...at least i do.

I've almost got my nursery set. i have the crib and the changing table/dresser. I have the glider-yay! and i have the play yard-MAN that thing is so freakin cool! it's a bassinet and a changing table and a little play-pen thingy...it vibrates and plays music/nature sounds, and has a little night light. I don't have my bedding yet, but i'm thinking that i can wait a few weeks for that-he'll sleep in the play yard in our room for the first couple of weeks. I'm expecting the travel system to come in-YAY! and i've got all his little hospital stuff (tshirts, onesies, sleepers, diapers, clippers, boogersuckerthingy, picture outfit, etc) together and as soon as i get a diaperbag, that's where it's all goin.

i'm a little clueless as to what to pack for myself and my husband. I know that i will forget SOMETHING and have to either do without or send someone out for it. i am planning on packing him some "goodies." He loves candy and gushers and anything chock full of sugar. I am thinking i will have to have SOMETHING to bribe him wtih when i turn into "mommy-zilla." I'm SO hoping that doesn't happen to me. I'm hoping that i calmly and with little to no reaction spit the baby out...i think as long as i keep that mental scenario in my head that it'll happen that way...i'm NOT getting an epidural.