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10-7-2008 - sleep!!!!!!

My mood while writing this blog: STRESSED

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ok, i'm now really tearful and stressed out cos i can't sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!
can't remember the last time i had a decents nights kip and its seriously doing my nut in!!!! it wouldn't be so bad if i could get a lie in but i have to get my eldest to school and can't really nap during the day as i have my youngest to look after and if i left him to his own devices, even momentarily, i'd have no house to wake up to!!!!
my back aches, i have a constant headache which is soooooooooo much worse in the mornings, so bad that it actually hurts to open my eyes, i can't stop peeing/eating/feeling ill, and i can't ever seem to get comfy!!!!
i'm also worried in case my postnatal depression comes back but don't feel i can discuss this with my partner (i don't know why as we tell each other everything) but i feel he will think its because this baby was not planned as i must have fallen pregnant within 2 weeks of us getting together. if i'm honest with myself, i'm no where near ready to have another baby, don't get me wrong, i'll love it and treat it as i do my other children, there's no fear of that as i do love kids, i'm just worried that my fella will do a runner, i've had bad experiences in the past...my eldest sons dad used to get violent towards me and wouldn't come near me during or after my pregnancy and mt youngests dad left me as soon as i found out i was pregnant, my fella kmows all of this but it doesn't stop the fears and worry that it will happen again.
i don't know, i never really recovered from postnatal depression when i had it, i stopped taking the medication as i didn't like how it made me feel and i'm scared i'm gonna push my fella away!
maybe its just my hormones working overtime, who knows, i just hope i stop feeling this way soon...i'm fed up of worrying!!!
anyway, thank you to whoever has taken the time to read my rant, i've just realised how much i've wrote, it just feels easier chatting on her than to a friend/family member or my fella.

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1 Comments on sleep!!!!!!


mommydearest09 - Friday, 11 Jul
I totally understand why you feel that it's easier to chat on here than tell ur guy or a family mem. Just try to relax as much as possible, stress is not good for the baby. It sounds like you have a lot on your hands, but just remember...everything happens for a reason. That tiny little miracle growing in your belly is there for some reason, so instead of stressing out over it, try celebrating it. Remember...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!!

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