So I'm not proud of how my baby was concieved and please don't judge me for it, I had a very drunken one night stand and became pregnant because of it, I fought with myself and nearly terminated but couldn't and ended up ruining my relationship with my partner because of it but I had to keep my baby.

My ex still comes round every day as he is the father of my three youngest and still helps out in anyway he can despite me telling him he doesn't need to, as far as I am concerned, we are over and he needs to move on with his life and I need to move on with mine which I can't do while he is round all the time.

I feel guilty, for what I've done to him and how I feel about my unborn son... I can't bring myself to feel anything about him, I don't talk to anyone about my pregnancy, the only reason he has a name is cos my other children helped decide it, I'm 28 weeks and haven't bought anything, I'm not excited about his arrival and am terrified of how I will feel once he is born.

I just can't feel anything for him without feeling guilty about my ex, and know its not gonna change once he's here due to my ex being here all the time, I've tried to explain this to my ex but he just tells me its my problem, not his and he will continue to see his kids every day which I don't have a problem with as I would never stop him from seeing them, I just wish he would take them elsewhere instead of being round mine all day, every day.

I'm dreading going into labour as I'll have to rely on him having my other children whilst I'm in hospital plus he'll be here when I bring my son home and I know that I won't be able to show my son any affection or bond with him while my ex is here and he is adament that I'm gonna need his help once baby is here but I don't want or need his help and I've told him this.

I know I have brought all this on myself with the one supid mistake I made and that I have to deal with it but its been weighing on me for some time now and I have no one else I can talk too... I just needed to get it off my chest.