04-8-2009 - frustrations, updates and plans (oh my lol)

My mood while writing this blog: mixed

hmm okay well where to start.... lets start with the updates!

Updates:

Journey is 9 and a half months old now, she is 20lbs and 27 inches (shorty lol). She can clap her hands, she does this funny thing with her hand and mouth to make noise, she can stand and cruise furniture and crawl super fast. Shes not walking yet but it wont be long, shes only lacking a bit more balance. She says a bit too, she has been saying mama for a few months but has been saying it in connection with me for a bit now. She also says ama (ah-ma) for grandma, and up when she wants to be picked up. Shes doing really well and her gas is so much better since shes been eating activia yogurt lol. I cant believe its going to be her first birthday soon!!! I dont quite know what we are going to do with that yet but I am starting the plans.

Plans:

Daycare starts on August 17th for her, since I am going to full time school on Sept. 1 i wanted a few weeks to kind of ease her into it. Getting her more on a cup during the day is going okay, but I still nurse her alot and Im really trying hard to cut back during the day so its not such a shock to her, but we will be breastfeeding in the morning and evenings for quite some time to come since she is a total boob baby. I am really looking forward to school and all that and am doing okay (for now) handling my anxiety about leaving her. Last time I went to the daycare I grilled them about silly things because of my paranoia RE: her "father"

Which brings me to the frustrations:::

I feel like I bitch about him alot :( but seriously he makes me so mad. And I dont know how to completely let it go. Its not that I want him because believe me I dont, but I have had ENOUGH of his drama. The worst part is its indirect drama. He is a drama queen, he moved away months ago without even saying good bye and he has not talked to me since before christmas 2008. He cant be bothered to call or check and see how shes doing (which is fine with me if thats what he chooses) but what pisses me off is he will tell anyone who listens that i am a psychopath who will not let him see his daughter. As far as im concerned shes not even his. He hasnt done a damn thing for her and she is better without that instability, immaturity, lack of responsibility in her life. I havent heard anything else from his mom (thank god) and since I dont have facebook anymore no one can steal any pictures of my baby. Im not even mad that he has a picture of her, but im mad that he couldnt ask me himself how shes doing and for a picture. He had to get some girl to steal it from my facebook, and thankfully for privacy settings she could only see the profile picture. But I am still mad as hell. It was his new gf's bday yesterday so ofcourse hes livin the life, partying, having a grand ol' time and still playing the victim. It is frustrating. If he chooses not to be involved so be it but I wish he would stop spreading lies and rumours.

/end vent.