cpalmer's I-am-pregnantblog

cpalmer
	Age: 21 Country: Canada Province/region: City: Partner: Hubby Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: No Occupation: SAHM
	Online: 8 days ago. Last updated: 674 days ago. Member since: 1488 days
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08-10-2009 - Annoyed

My mood while writing this blog:
same

well i have been takin OPK's daily to see what would happen, i got a pretty dark line which was getting darker (almost pos) until this morning, its very faint, and neg. HPT too :( im 12/13 dpo so i know that AF is on her way yet again, 8 months of TTC and not a damn thing to show for it, im getting so pissed, its not fair!! theres people out there getting knocked up left right and centre and most of them dont even want to be pregnant!?! am i crazy??? for wanting this so bad? i just feel like its never goin to happen and if it doesnt i guess i will have to be ok with that but COME ON! where the h*ll is my BFP!?!? i've been praying to God everyday and my prayers have yet to be answered, i just feel like im stuck in a never-ending loop of getting my hopes up and then havin them crushed by the appearance of the witch....sorry for the rant i just get so annoyed with the body that god decided to give me that doesnt want to work right, i mean at first i was getting knocked up then having miscariages and now i cant even get pregnant, i mean i would so not rather be pregnant and then have it end in miscarriage but i feel like im takin one step forward and 10 steps back! UGHHH!!!

anyways, hubby and i are bein civil which is a plus, his friend is still staying on our couch so we havent been able to make up really until last nite when his friend was at work lol i still think i will be takin a break from TTC this next month, i mean whats the point of trying my hardest if im only goin to be let down again, right?? so yeah i will just not try this month (once AF hurrys up bcuz i know shes coming) and focus on less stressful things (if i can think of any....)

I hope everyone is doing well, and congrats on all the new BFPs :)

Chasity xoxoxo

14 Comments on Annoyed

Duffy - Thursday, 8 Oct
awww hun I know exactly how you feel...TTC is very emotional and stressful, full of highs and lows....it will all work out for the best in the end - whatever that end may be..****HUGS****

amy011 - Thursday, 8 Oct
Oh hun, I hope you're ok. I totally know how you feel I'm going into Month 9 now! Seems like such a stupid amount of time. Have you thought about trying the soy and see what happens to you cycle without TTC and then chart it and see what happens?? Chin up chick x

Cherryb0m - Thursday, 8 Oct
i know how you feel girl. it sucks big time no lie about that. i kinda made peace with it all a little bit when we found out hubby had a little problem. cant get a preggy eggy if no spermies are making the long haul up there :-) so i made up in my mind to give it 3 months, we are trying but i'm not obsessed about it like i usualy am. most of the time i have no clue what cycle day i'm on LOL. but come Jan 1, 2010 GAME ON!!!!! After 3 months if hubby's little problem is not fixed on it's own (which his Dr. really thinks it will be - it's not very commom to have a major high sperm count and a low motility rate, usualy if you have a low sperm count you have low every thing else... anyways....) then his Dr. is going to look at surgery as a next option for him. So, as much as i REALLY want a baby I am okay with not being pregnant. I try and find the positive in it, for one thing, Elizabeth is a wild sassy little girl, i have no idea how i could keep up with her right now and be super pregnant. Also, by the time #2 gets here hopefully she will be out of diapers which will save lots of $$$$. God will bless your family again with a sticky beautiful healthy little bean, he knows what he is doing. have faith girl, we are definetly in this together!!!!

MamaCas29 - Thursday, 8 Oct
You WILL get pregnant again. Unfortunately nobody can tell you when...maybe change up your prayer a little. Instead of asking God to make you pregnant, ask God to make you pregnant when it is His will. That way, you can give up control for awhile, put it in His hands, and trust and know that it will happen at the most meant to be time ever. I know it is frustrating, but Sav is just over a year...and I'm sure that in the next couple of months you will have your BFP. Take care.

boyoboy - Thursday, 8 Oct
I know how you feel. I hope you get your BFP soon.

DiandClover - Thursday, 8 Oct
((HUG)) You know I feel ya.... The highs, the lows, the fears and doubts. It's hell. Look at all the supportive messages here and soak up all the positivity we're sending you! You will have your sticky BFP SOON!! I am feeling positive for you and man others who have been on the long road towards a healthy pregnancy. Take care!!

TanMansMomma32 - Thursday, 8 Oct
I am so sorry hun!! I though that this month was my month and then I just O'd at the end.. I Was really upset and let down.... but I am not going to TTC for awhile... WE can drink wine and chat together...

southstar - Thursday, 8 Oct
blah. blah. blah. girlfriend. what can i say? i'm flying to Canada tomorrow....we'll buy oi7839047123572 bottles of wine and be miserable together...than we'll walk the streets and solicit new reproductive systems, yes?? lol....:::big hug:::: give it some days, this feeling will ONCE again die down....til the next time you feel like this.....we know it's a cycle....and we'll post another blog...and again move on....until we post our BFP blog! =) Luv ya to infinity and beyond!!

ttcbby1 - Thursday, 8 Oct
OMG! I Know EXACTLY how you feel hun. Don't give up. I've been TTC for over a year and NOTHING yet.. not even false hope lol.. its so frustrating and depressing... especially like you said with all these girls getting preggo left & right and not even wanting it.. I know it doesn't help to hear but at least you have that beautiful little girl of yours to bring you happiness.. I so hope you get a BFP if not this cycle very soon! BIG HUG!!

hopefully3 - Thursday, 8 Oct
Aww i am so sorry hun! i agree with everyone that maybe a break is just what you need. It would be great for you! You have been under a great deal of stress lately and maybe that is affecting your cycle. Have you thought about maybe seeing a fertility specialist to see what they can do? i have a good friend who is looking into it and i know it can be expensive but some insurance may cover a bit of it... More importantly i think if you just get a break you will get your bfp! i know how upsetting it can be! And you get so angry with the world in general but i know god does great things for great people and you WILL get your bfp! Lots of love! Hang in there! We are all pulling for you!

yorkie puggle - Thursday, 8 Oct
It will happen for you Chas, I know it. I am so sorry you are stressing. Try and take it easy and I do hope that this AF doesn't show up and you will get that bfp. If not, than take a month off and try and focus on something else and I bet you'll get that bfp when you least expect it. XO Dana

babyhope2 - Thursday, 8 Oct
I can't say that its ever happened to me but being a mom and knowing how it qould feel if it would happen I do understand you. This may sound crazy but My sister in-law tryed for three years and never ended up getting pregnant the fiorst month they decided not to TRY and just let this go she got her BFP. the other night when my brother in Law called and asked us if we were TTC this is what he told us. Kind of scary I know but it makes you think that thing need to take its course and when you think your at your lowest point something great might happen. My thought and prayers will be with you until you get your BFP. Less stress on your plate also helps the body relax and then maybe you'll be able to O. i have read your other post regarding the other situations you've had but you can't get down with yourself. Keep your head up and one day when you least expect it. i know it will happen for you. ******BIG HUGS*****

SarahLJ - Thursday, 8 Oct
I'm so sorry hun, I was really hoping that this month would end differently for you.

momof2hopfully3 - Thursday, 8 Oct
oh i am so sorry and i so know where you are comming from!! we tryed for over a year to get pregnant wiht Mena and it was the hardest year of my life!! i know you are probably tired of hearing this but keep you head up. maybe this next month when you arent trying or stressing about it, it will happen??

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