29-10-2009 - So Much At Once...

My mood while writing this blog: ok

i didn't want to name another blog "update" lol so i just put what i felt. theres a lot going on around me right now and i feel so overwhelmed i guess u could say. so im going to break it down into sections.

Savanaa

She is doing really well! she talks alot for 15mos, she can say about 15-20 words (not all of them she can say clearly but she def. is trying to say it) she runs around and jumps up and down and climbs up and down on EVERYTHING. im so in love with her, more and more everyday, she just amazes me. yesterday hubbys mom called and while i was talking to her she came up to the phone i said " im talking to nanny" and she goes " nanny poppy " clear as day! hubbys mom was like " was that her!?!? " lol she calls his dad poppy and my dad "gampy (grampy) " so when she said that it was the cutest thing. the doc says shes doing good, but where she gained alot fast when she was little (up to a year) that she has since not gained anything and the doc wants to see her curve going up not staying the same or going down so we have to go back on december 2nd for a weight check. BUT heres my issues, she WILL NOT eat!!! what do i do? i try to give her bits and pieces of everything here and there but shes just not interested. she will look at me and go "no" shake her head and walk away, even her favorite foods. she is teething really bad i think so im guessing thats why (4 eye teeth and 2 molars) but im just wondering if theres anything i can do bcuz i feel like shes not getting enough. oh and what is everyones thoughts on the H1N1 vaccine??? seems to be a hot topic these days.

My Family

My dad just had an operation on tuesday on his hand. he has really bad carpal tunnel syndrome (i think thats what its called) anyways hes doing fine, he just cant do too much around because its all done up in a sling. My sisters little boy Fenix just turned one on tuesday too, we had dinner on sunday at my mums house to celebrate it was so much fun, sav was having a blast playing with him altho he is a bit rough lol he made her cry!! boys will be boys tho!

TTC

Blah. im just so over it :( im just going to go ahead and vent, not that this is directed towards anyone its just how i feel about my situation. Well im finally Oing so i guess thats good right?? i figured the soy would help but i dont think it did much other then give me EWCM. I O'd one day later this cycle then last month. i just wish i could be normal like other women out there, its really hard when u want something and u know its ur fault for having a completely messed up body, like how fair is that!?! november will be month 9 TTC for me and i know its not that long bcuz i do know women who have been trying wayyy longer but the way i see it it feels like im never going to get there, never going to have the joys of being a mama again, being pregnant again, so i sit and cry and feel sorry for myself bcuz really theres not much more i can do to help the process. All of my good friends on this site are already pregnant (except a few) and this site seems to be changing alot with all the fakes u dont know who to trust anymore, i miss having the support there once was. Now everyone has moved on and i feel like im in this alone (i know im not bcuz i do have great friends that support me) but i cant help feeling like this. i hate being such a negative nancy but really theres no silver lining for me. In the upcoming months i plan to see a reproductive endocrinologist (sp?) and see if they can help me out then if no luck by January i plan to "give up" if u will, no more trying, no more hoping, no more tears. TTC is taking over my life and i have let it, theres a part of me thats knows that it will happen one day it just hurts to know that it wont happen now. Sorry this is so long!!!

Hubby

is getting on my GD nerves!?!?! seriously he is sooo cranky and whiney and just being an overall sook! yesterday he came home from work and asked me if i wanted alfredo for supper and he was goin to make it, well i dont like alfredo that much and i had already decided on a "fend for urself" night, so i told him i didnt want any and he freaked out at me and then refused to cook for himself. like what a baby, get over it!!! so i had to get up and cook him food that i didnt even eat, ughhhh!?!?! im not ur friggin maid dude, i stay home everyday and take care of our child and take care of our house and u want to be a spoiled little b*tch!?!? i wish i could go back to work, school even but i cant right now bcuz im waiting to find out if i am getting the help i was supposed to. the only good thing about hubby lately is that i dont have to beg him to BD, dont know what has gotten into him but he wont leave me alone and hell i am not complaining!!! bring on the spermies ;) seems like its the only thing men are good for sometimes.

Well, that was my rant. feel free to message me and tell me how much of a crazy person i am.

Love yas!

Chasity xoxoxox