Members

As a member you'll be able to receive and send messages, keep your own photobook, agenda, ask questions, participate in the chat, and make new friends. All is free and you don't need email.
Sign up (free & anonymous)

Name: Password:

---

Activity
• Now online | Member search | New members | Comment Spy
• New blogs & Questions | Recently updated profiles
• New photos: Pregnancy | Babies | Bellies | Ultrasound | Member pages
• Latest comments: Forums | Week by week | Baby development

Write a new blog

---

11-2-2010 - I HATE MEN

My mood while writing this blog: calmer

---

Hello lovelys :) how is everyone?? i miss coming on here so much lol i dont do it very often lately especially with everything that has been going on :/ first off we have my gastritis which is getting better thanfully, im on my last day of the HP pac medication so im just praying that it works bcuz THAT was hell, 8 pills a day for 7 days, im so sick of freakin pills and vitamins and all that crap, just want to live my life! anyways, yay for that!
Also sav is getting sooo big you guys! she will be 19 mos, she can say sentances now - no lie!! she asks for things and tells us when she is finished things, its GREAT! when she wants something she will go ' have some please' and when she is done she will look at us and go 'all done mommy/daddy' she is so freakin cute, she runs around screaming 'i did it kai lan!' everytime she does something cool :) she can say way to many words that i can count the only real thing i noticed is that she cant say her 'r's' yet but her father had that problem when he was younger and had to go to speech therapy for it so im hoping it resolves itself before she starts school, also she was born with her frenulum (tongue web) that is attached to the tip of her tongue, it has stretched alot tho and im suprised she can talk at all let alone conversate at this age lol

(dont read this if u dont want to hear about my personal life, just a vent i guess)
now getting to the 'heavy' part of this blog, those of you who have known me know that me and my hubby havent got the best relationship, i mean i know we love each other but its like we cant handle each other, know what i mean? well i tend to write alot in my journal (well its on the comp cuz its easier for me) about how i feel about EVERYTHING, private, personal things, thing i can not say to hubby, i find the writing helps me find peace with myself....anyways hubby woke up in a bad mood and really stressed about things and i had been writing in my journal but was up from the computer doing something with sav and he just hopped on the computer and he READ MY JOURNAL!!! i know it was kinda my bad for leaving it up but i was planning on going back to it and didnt have a chance to...so then he proceeded to freak out at me for the things he read, which was about how everytime we argue and fight, i tell him to leave and he doesnt, we both give each other the silent treatment and then just not talk about it, which is a really crap way of dealing with things but it has been rough around here lately with hubby not working as much and us needing to find a new place bcuz our lease is up in june and we want to move and it is just alot to deal with at once and i DO NOT want to argue, which is something we tend to do a bit, anyways he got mad and packed up a bag of his clothes and left! i was pretty upset bcuz like i said im not used to him actually leaving, but he did and it hurt me to think that maybe this was the end for us, but i hate thinking like that bcuz i love him more then anything and i know him better than anyone and i know he was just 'looking' for an excuse to explode (he has anger management issues since he was a kid but he has since gone to therapy and been working on it) but i find the more stress we are under the more it effects him bcuz he always holds everything in and its not healthy and it ends up coming to this, well at the moment we are not 'together' i guess bcuz he came over last nite after work around 12am and asked to stay here for the nite bcuz he had to work early and i live next door to his work where as his parents are almost an hour away, so i told him yes (this is the first time i said anything to him since tuesday) but only if he slept on the couch and got up with sav, we ended up talking about some things but i told him how i really felt about everything and how i dont think i can handle it anymore, he needs to gain control of his emotions and he needs to find himself before he can give 100% to a relationship with me or else we WONT last as a couple.....
now i know u all probably think this is just a big mess and 'dont take him back' blah blah blah, hes my best friend and i love him and no matter what anyone thinks i know he loves me too he just doesnt do good with emotions and i get that because i know him so well, now im not saying im going to 'take him back' but maybe one day i will because he is the love of my life and i couldnt live if i didnt try my hardest to make this work, especially for sav, i dont want her to be without her father, i dont want to be 'that' person, the one tho takes her away from him like what happened with his other child, he never gets to see her and i see how it effects him, and i know i just cant picture my life without him and i mean if eventually we dont work out then thats okay i guess but i cant not try, i want to be happy but to be happy i have to help him be happy and as his best friend im the only one who can do that, he doesnt have a good relationship with his parents and im pretty much all he has and its like sometimes he takes me for granted, i just want him to see where im coming from BESIDES he shouldnt have read my journal even though i do tell him everything, some thoughts i like to keep private......and for those of u who think im making excuses for him (which im not, im not a stupid person i know whats going on in my life better then anyone)
(sorry i just had to say that bcuz apparently 'everyone sees it but me' and i dont know who everyone is but if u dont like the way i live my life then dont read about it lol im sure EVERYONE has their issues and fights with their partner its a part of life and nobody can say they dont fite bcus that is just unhealthy)
sorry this was so long and so confusing to read :/
much love
Chasity xoxox

---

12 Comments on I HATE MEN


AbbottBaby2 - Thursday, 18 Feb
I so know how you feel. Jeff is like that too sometimes & he never seems to understand my side of things. We both are very stubborn which doesn't help the situation. But I could never leave him, I love him & I know he's the only one who will put up with my crazy shit & I'm the only one who can put up with his so even though we may fight we are kind of perfect for each other in an insane kind of way. I don't know, You sometimes just have to think, if he never changes can I still love him. I know my answer is yes & that's probably the only reason why we're still together. Even though he's a dick sometimes, so am I. We forgive each other for it & continue to love each other anyway. Sounds dumb to some people I guess but it works for us so who cares right? Anyway I can relate to being torn between two feelings. Hope you guys can work it out. xox

babylicious2(blue) - Friday, 12 Feb
well if u know that he is tht way then i think that your doing ok if your just delaing with it without fallin apart props to you, but he should be getting some help for his anger at least to show that he wants to try to make it work. i really dont know wat to say about that other then that cuz you love him n if you fine with that then thatr just your personal! but other then that wow great for your lil girl she so smart just like my lucy she has a disorder with dadny walker n they told us she was gonna be delayed n stuff to but she was like 15 months counting in enlgish n spanish girl she said complete sentences too(english n spanish!!=) and shye loooove kai lan as well something about that nick jr.!!!! but it sound like she is a very smart girl!

B3thy - Friday, 12 Feb
I am sorry that you and the hubby are having a rough patch! I think keeping a journal is a great idea and we need to get those emotions out sometimes. He should not have read what you wrote but men are so nosy! I hope he cools off and you guys can get back to being happy...keep us posted! good luck girl :)

TanMansMomma32 - Thursday, 11 Feb
First off a journal is something that you do for you to help you cope I get that because that is what I do seems like a lot of women do that. I am sorry that he read it he should have respected your privacy and or wishes. Now on to the relationship part DO WHAT YOUR HEART AND MIND TOGETHER tell you not what anyone else says. I have been in your shoes not same situation but not knowing what road to take. I beleive that you will make the right choice for you and Sav.

MommyOf3But4ToBe - Thursday, 11 Feb
awww hun, i really hope that things get better for you... Maybe a break is what you both need so that you can talk with a more clear level headed mind... My husband and i have our share of problems as well, and like your hubby, he tends to keep things in until it finally all comes out... We are both getting better at the communication, but it all takes time... I feel though, with out any bed in any relationship, you never really appreciate it as much...Take care of yourself hun, and know that we are all here for you, whenever you need to vent.... xoxoxo

Duffy - Thursday, 11 Feb
I think it is great that you are trying to sort out the problems instead of saying "this is too hard" and moving on. I think in the long term your relationship could REALLy benefit from it

SarahLJ - Thursday, 11 Feb
I am so sorry that things are bad at the moment and I really hope it all works out for you. I understand why you are trying to work it out hun and I don't blame you for one minute. I would do the same thing in your situation.

hopefully3 - Thursday, 11 Feb
Aww it sounds like Sav is doing great hun!!! :) You are right tho about you and hubby... Every relationship has their ups and downs. I hope you two are able to work it out and whenever you need to vent we are here!! :)

mfbrown - Thursday, 11 Feb
Everyone sure does have their own issues! Lee and I used to fight, heck even pregnant with Noelle he got me so mad that I went to my parents house an hour away for the night at like 1 am. I think sometimes we all need space. I also used to lock Lee out of the bedroom all the time when he ticked me off haha :0P Things just managed to get better for us! We still look back and think what if Noelle hadn't come to us! We were just hanging by a thread! I guess what I mean to say is that I totally understand and it'll work out :0)

momof2hopfully3 - Thursday, 11 Feb
that great about sav and i am sorry about you and your hubby i hope thing wouk out :(

DiandClover - Thursday, 11 Feb
Great that Sav is such a smartie pants! Sebastian is using a few simple sentences, but he is mostly a babbler still at this point! As for you and hubby - I hope the time on a break gives you both the perspective you need to make healthy next steps for you all. SOmetimes it takes the shock of separation to get focus put back where it needs to be. Couples therapy worked for friends of mine when they were not communicating. They were on the verge of divorce, terrible as a couple to all who obsered them together. They worked on their issues and now have two kids together - happily maried.

Cherryb0m - Thursday, 11 Feb
oh honey, i'm sorry, i hope everything works out for the best - whatever that may be :-)