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09-4-2008 - Dear Non-Pregnant Person

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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Dear Non-Pregnant Person, I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.

1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an a$$.

2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'.

3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.

4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight - ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invites her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'.

6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticket master. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.

8) Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents’ home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

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7 Comments on Dear Non-Pregnant Person


KittenAsACat - Tuesday, 3 Jun
haha this is good. wish i'd found it sooner,even!

def gonna have to borrow this :P

kara8385 - Thursday, 24 Apr
thanks for this. I know I had seen something like this somewhere and really wanted to find it again. I ended up copying it and emailing to my whole entire family and friends, then emailed family and friends who I really didn't find that this applies to and told them it was not meant for them but had to make it look like I was not just sending it to the in laws. haha! My SIL mainly who needs to listen to every single line in the letter. Thanks again!

gr8scottswife - Thursday, 24 Apr
In fact, no one is permitted to offer suggestions for names unless solicited by the parents. Also, the correct response to the name of the parents' choice is "Nice." Some lies are acceptable.

gr8scottswife - Thursday, 24 Apr
The letter is so awesome! I would like to post it on every e-mail I send out. Would that be rude? Have you actually shown this letter to anyone in your family with the intent that the person get a clue? This letter should include something about non-pregnant friends giving advice and also about naming the baby.

deborah86 - Tuesday, 22 Apr
hey there I just LOVE your 'letter' to non-pregnant people. I have told my mom time and time again to NOT TOUCH my belly and she does not get it. I have even told her it hurts because sometimes it does. She says "But I want to feal him move" GRRRRR LOL
needless to say I copied it and e-mailed it to her and a couple of friends...lol take care and good luck!!
Congrats on your pregnancy to you and your hubby!!!

HollieNJax - Thursday, 10 Apr
Can you e-mail that to me if you still have it? If not I will copy it but I'm afraid I'm computer illiterate and I don't know how to do anything fancy!! : ) My e-mail is hammons@mail.lced.net. Thanks.

marinac - Thursday, 10 Apr
Haha! Thanks for this, I passed it on to my pregnant friends!