09-6-2008 - Scared

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

(Word of warning before reading this. This blog is tear jerking and very emotional, but it all works out well)

Hey!

Well girls, i was completely terrified last Thursday at work. I stated to have some pains in my tummy that felt like stretching pains,which im totally comfortable with as ive had those before but by 5.15pm i was having full blown contractions every 5 mins, not b.hicks either. Totally s***ting myself as im sure you can imagine as im only 20 weeks.

The ambulance service took 30 mins to get to me even though its only 10 mins away from work to the station but apparently its not alwasy manned. Can anyone find a fault with this?! So whilst im crying,squashing my managers hand,trying not to stress out shes on the phone AGAIN to 999 now getting info on how to deliver a baby.As you can imagine that didnt do much for my blood pressure! Lol.

The ambulance finally arrived after what seems like a lifetime of waiting, took my vitals, high BP and was on gas and air for pain relief- fabulous effect but didnt like the taste.Got to the hospital, rushed in (my partner met me there),all i can remember saying to him was 'im sorry, im sorry, im gonna lose it. im sorry.' Steve was obviously distraught at this and started to well (but looking back i liked that as hes a man's man and was nice to see some emotion!) i had 7 doctors around my bed- because that doesnt scare me at all! I had a speculum inserted and had an internal exam, luckily my cervix is closed and im not having a miscarriage - but why the contractions every 5 mins?

Well after several blood tests, urine test and internal swab taken, two nights in hospital and constant pain in my tummy I have a urine infection-again, 2 months ago i had an e.coli infection!- and i have an infection that was found on the swab, not an STD -because i would kick his ass!Lol. But they dont know what it is so they have been sent to the lab to grow to find out what it is.I onyl found out that the pregnancy was still viable at 11.30pm when we heard the heartbeat, that was the main thing i was waiting for. So relieved after that. I cried- again- for the 7th time that day, but this time it was happy relieved tears. I couldnt believe that my beautiful baby ahd survuved all that. Think ive got a fighter!!!

Im in a little pain when sat down or going to stand up/sit down as the baby is on the left hand side of the womb and apparently that where my bladder is so its being squashed every time i sit/go to stand up. So relaxing now takes in the form of laying down!

Im on general antibiotics for the urine but nothin yet for the internal as not been diagnosed.

Go my 20 week scan today so after all that im gonna find out what sex im having so i can say 'Joseph/Beth has caused me some right problems!'

But now, even though going through the excruitiating pain,the tears,fears,lack of sleep, constant worry, i know that i would do it all again a million times over if it means that the end result my baby is fine and healthy.Now i know that i can go through any infections/blood tests that i need to to prove everythings ok.

Ive always been maternal and wanted kids for as long as i can remember, but nothing prepared me for how i feel about my baby - and its not even here yet! I used to wonder what kind of mum id be like and sometimes when the hormones got the better of me id cry and worry about my motherly skills, but knowing id go through it all again makes me think i'll be fabulous and cant wait for the 23rd October!

Hope this blog find you all fit happy and well.

Love Dawn x x x