11-10-2008 - Going mad?

My mood while writing this blog: Feeling blue

Hi there girls. I was wondering if there was any advice on how to cope with Postnatal depression.

I am feeling so low and keep bursting into tears as my baby boy just seems to cry all time because of Colic and Reflux. Everything is getting to me, i cannot seem to trust myself with my own baby boy as i get horrible urges of thinking of harming him, i got so bad the other night at about 3 am i ended up scratching my arm apart and pulling some of my hair out. My boyfriend took me to the doctors and they gave me antideppressants that would help to make me happier. I dont really want to take them as i feel only people that have gone off the rails take them.

I just hate everything, i keep thinking i wish i never decided to have children, i love Brandon so very much and would not change him for the world but i wish i could go back in time and know what is coming ahead and said "NO" to having children. I just cannot do it! I feel like a bad mum as he cries all the time. I cannot deal with sharing a house with my boyfriends family. The council told us they would give us a house but they have not. I am still living in a 2 bedroom flat with 6 people and 2 indoor cats. I feed, change, cloth brandon in the bedroom and i eat and live in the bedroom. There is no living room what-so-ever. I HATE my life!!!! I want these feelings to go away... I just dont want to cry but they just turn on like taps. I cannot hold my son sometimes threw thinking of harming him. My boyfriend and my parents try their hardest to help but i just feel like something is not there...... HELP!!!!!