dinahmite425's I-am-pregnantblog

dinahmite425
	Age: 30 Country: usa Province/region: georgia City: Partner: my husband Children: Yes, 4 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: registered nurse
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 643 days ago. Member since: 1180 days
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16-6-2009 - I FEEL HAPPY AND SAD, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!

My mood while writing this blog:
SAD

OKAY, THIS IS AN UPDATE ABOUT MY DEPRESSION.....

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT READ MY PAST BLOGS I AM/ WERE VERY DEPRESSED BECAUSE I WANT TO MOVE BACK TO WHERE I GREW UP WHICH IS CALIFORNIA CURRENTLY I LIVE IN ATLANTA GA WITH MY HUBBY AND KIDS MY HUBBY IS FROM THE ATL SO HE IS HAS NOT REALLY SHOWED ANY INTEREST IN MOVING

JUNE 9TH WE TOOK A FAMILY TRIP TO CALIFORNIA FOR MY SISTERS HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION... I LOVED BEING HOME AND WAS HAVING LOTS OF FUN WITH MY HUBBY... ABOUT 2 DAYS AGO I WAS THINKING ABOUT STAYING LONGER THAN 6 DAYS , MY FLIGHT WAS SUPOSSED TO LEAVE TODAY BUT I COULD NOT BRING MYSELF TO GO!!!! 2 DAYS AGO ME AND MY HUBBY HAD A TALK AND I WAS IN TEARS TELLING HIM I WANTED TO STAY LONGER AND I AM A NURSE AND PRIOR TO ME MOVING I WAS A TRAVLING LOCAL NURSE IN THE LA AREA ... WE NEED MONEY BECAUSE ONE IM ON MATERNITY LEAVE AND 2 MY HUBBY'S JOB AT&T WILL BE ON STRIKE AS OF AUGUST SO WE NEED MONEY FOR SURE!!! SO IN CALIFORNIA I MAKE DOUBLE AS A NURSE THAN WHAT I MAKE IN GA SO I SAID TO HIM HOW ABOUT I STAY ANOTHER 2 WEEKS AND SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY FAMILY AND I CAN CALL MY NURSING AGENCY AND WORK 2-3 DAYS A WEEK WHICH WILL GIVE US AN EXTRA $1500 A WEEK SO MY HUBBY SAID OKAY!!!! SO TODAY I TOOK HIM TO THE AIRPORT AND I STAYED AND I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT THE WHOLE THING FIRST.. WHEN HE LEFT I BROKE INTO TEARS AS IF WE WOULD NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN,.. HE HAD TEARS IN HIS EYES TOO!!!! I FELT SO BAD THAT HE WONT SEE AMANI FOR 2 WHOLE WEEKS!!! THEN I SWEAR 2 MINS BEFORE WE GOT TO THE AIRPORT I REMEMBERED THAT NEXT WEEK IS FATHERS DAY!!!!! I FELT SO BAD!!! I BROKE INTO TEARS AND TOLD MY HUBBY FORGET IT I WILL LEAVE TO ATL TO HE SAID NO STAY I NEED TO STAY AND BE WITH MY FAMILY TO HELP MY DEPRESSION!!!

I FEEL LIKE SUCH A EVIL PERSON!!! EVEN THOUGH WE MADE THE DECSION TOGETHER FOR ME TO STAY AND STACK SOME CASH AND VISIT FAMILY I FEEL LIKE I TOOK MY HUBBY S NEW BABY GIRL AWAY EVEN IF JUST FOR 2 WEEKS!!!

TONIGHT I HAVE BEEN DRIVING AROUND NEIGHBORHOODS TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF HOW HOME SICK I AM .... AND WOW DID I LOVE THE HOMES HER IN CALI BUT I STARTED TO SEE SOME OF THE THINGS THAT I HATE ABOUT CALIFORNIA ALSO !!1 AND BASICLY IM SCARED!!! I NAGGED THE HELL OUT OF MY HUSBAND THIS PAST WEEK WHILE WE WERE IN CALI AND HE TOLD ME I DRAINED HIM AND PRESSURED HIM SO BAD!! EVERY TIME WE WENT SOMEWHERE I WOULD NAG HIM AND SAY DONT YOU LIKE IT HERE, SEE HOW PRETTY THIS IS!!! WHAT A BITCH I AM HOW HORRIBLE OF ME TO HAVE BEEN SO DAMN PUSHY!!

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I JUST FEEL HORRIBLE, FOR BEING SO PUSHY WITH HIM!!!! MY HUSBAND IS MY HEART AND SO IS MY FAMILY I LOVE THEM BOTH TO DEATH AND I WANT TO PLEASE MY HUSBAND AND STOP TALKING ABOUT MOVING TO CA BUT I DO WANT TO MOVE!!!

I REALIZED TODAY WHEN HE WENT HOME THAT I DONT APREACHATE HIM AND NEITHER DOES HE APPRCIETATE ME SO IN A WAY I THINK IT IS A BLESSING THAT WE WILL BE SEPARATED FOR 2 WEEKS... THIS WILL GIVE US A CHANCE TO MISS EACH OTHER AND REMEMBER WHY WE GOT MARRIED AND HOW WE CANT LEAVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER BY THE WAY IN 4 YEARS WE HAVE NEVER BEEN APT MORE THAN 2 DAYS... SO THIS WILL BE EXTREMLY HARD FOR BOTH OF US AND AMANI!!!

I KNOW I AM RAMBLING BUT BASICLY IM TRYING TO TELL ALL OF YOU THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO PLEASE EVERYONE!! I WANT TO MOVE MY HUBBY DOESNT AND I WILL NOT LEAVE HIM BECAUSE HE IS A WONDERFUL HUBBY!!! SO IM SAD AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME!! IM HAPPY IM STILL HERE TO VISIT FAMILY BUT IM SO SAD THAT MY HOME IS IN ATL AND THAT MY HUBBY DOES NOT DESIRE THE SAME LIFE STYLE AS ME!!!

I SEE NOW HOW ALL THE NAGGING AND PRESSURE IS STRESSING MY HUBBY OUT AND I HAVE TO STOP!!! OR I THINK IF I KEEP ACTING THIS WAY I COULD POSSIBLE ONE DAY LOSE HIM!!!

LADYS PLEASE HELP, ALL I WANT IS SOME FORM OF SATISFACTION AND I NEVER SEEM TO BE SATISFIED, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY CANT I JUST BE HAPPY?

4 Comments on I FEEL HAPPY AND SAD, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!

drod - Wednesday, 17 Jun
You just had a baby so your hormones are still all over the place. I think the two week separation may bring you both some good. Please make sure you send him a nice gift for Father's Day since you won't be there. If my husband told me he rather to be with his family more than ours I would not feel good. I would feel as if i 'm not able to keep him happy. I think it's important to build your own family than rely on extended family. Extended family is important but your own is much more important. I had suggested that you did not bother him about returning to Cali since he already knew how you felt. Now he feels drained. Your marriage is still very young so I think you should compromise at least for a while. The right things happen without force, that's how the universe operates. Forced ripe fruits are never at their best.. Take it easy and let things unfold naturally. Wishing you all the best.

firsttimemom8122 - Tuesday, 16 Jun
Hey Girl! You took the words out of my mouth in your last paragraph this time away will be much needed for both of you guys to re-evaluate and realize how much you'll love each other and to go back to feeling that "good love" the reason why you'll got married in the first place. GIRL this hit home for me soooooo bad! I miss home like crazy and as we talk looking at flights to fly back, but my mother told me that what God put together trust and believe the Devil will surly try to tear down (meaning that God put you with a wonderful man, and the Devil will try to put all sorts of thought in your head to try to make you unhappy not with your husband per say but with your surroundings i.e.ATL) You trying to stay as far from Atl as you can and I'm trying to get back there!!!LOL I'm here for you momma and shooting for you if you need someone to talk to because we both going through the same thing, EXCEPT I can't say my husband is as supportive as yours.

chocolate mami - Tuesday, 16 Jun
for one...you did say it will give you all a chance to miss each other since you all haven't been apart longer than two days...(when you all see each other...ya'll will probably be stuck on each other like white on rice) nothing wrong with thinking ahead and wanting to make sure finances is in order..we tend to look more ahead than guys...some people get so comfortable with what they know they are scared to leave (your husband)....just give it some time....enjoy your stay in Cali...and make sure you send him something nice for fathers day...better yet get on a web cam....maybe he'll come too by August depending on what goes on with his job....I hope you all figure it out together...keep your head up

Jar(baby no5) - Tuesday, 16 Jun
I think a lot of women go through what you are going through. It just takes them a litttle longer to figure it out. I think your hubby has the right idea about you staying for a couple of weeks. I say check things out, see if this is what you really really want. Make sure your willing to move half way across the country. If you willing to do that, then see if hubby can maybe get a job transfer. I don't know if that's feesable or not. Its only a suggestion. I do hope you can figure something out that works for the both of you. Take care and Blessings upon your family ~jennifer

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