19-10-2008 - i'm back-bit emotionally shattered but meh im back

My mood while writing this blog: indifferent

Hey

its been a while and alot has happened.

had to move house after being in hospital on a drip for a week thru being so sick.

my baby's dad has left and made sure that life has been living hell. my landlady thinnks the sun shines out of his arse and thru various happenings i've ended up having to do a quick move.

lacking in any kind of happy emotion at the mo..had my scan 2 weeks ago-it was the most beautiful and at the same time worst time ive experienced. The hospital has had better equipment since last scan with the 2nd and i was so amazed at how much you can determine. Bubba is great-gonna b havin another beautiful girl-can't wait to meet her..I swear her profile is like her dads in the scan pic..you can see him there..i'll post the pic i think.

trying to live in the moment right now..cant think ahead-it hurts thinking im not gonna share this beautiful experience with him. we both so badly wanted this baby and were so looking forward to being a family but all those dreams and hopes have been shatterd.

how do i start again from here? His sis-in-law has said she'll b my birthing partner which is better than just any1..but whether she'll stick to her word is another thing (she said she'd visit when was in hosp but she didnt show) and besides its his baby, its meant to b his beautiful unforgettable moment. I really don't want him to miss out on the best moment he'll have had ever-its his first and only child. People are sayin thats he's missin out thru his own action and that i shldnt b bothered bt how can i nt b bothered wen i love him so much?

god these emotions are hard work eh?

baby lili sapphire is making herself known in there-very active tho she was sleeping during the scan!!I dont kno if I should b worried cos ive nt looked it up yet, but apparently the placenta is low-which to me is great cos get to c her again b4 she arrives, and i kno that most v the time it corrects itself but if it doesnt im not sure what that means or even if i want to kno (i really want 2 b able to have natural labour with this 1 too..iv had 2 so far..)

sorry to go on moaning as usual...hope all you ladies out there are enjoying being special..hugs 2 all