04-9-2008 - same old s*** different day...

My mood while writing this blog: pretty crap

well it seems i only need to write a blog when me n the fella r having a ruff time. He's taken the hump again, this time he took something i said (over the phone) COMPLETELY the wrong way n has since spent the whole day ignoring me again. I f he is true to his usual form i have 2 possible endings to today..

1. He'll text really l8 saying he not gonna stay (he only doesnt stay when he's angry with me)

2. He'll text and say he's coming over but when he arrives he'll say 'i'm only here for my stuff'

Mind you..last week when he was like this he just turned up, let himself in and acted like nothing had happened.

So i've spent the day trying to get thru, trying not 2 cry and break my heart over something he has blown out of proportion. But the hard thing about last night was the arguement that followed the bad conversation on the phone. I can't get the stuff he said out of my head. Stuff like 'go on, c how far you can push me, i'm already close to leaving', pointing his finger right in my face.

When we have these arguements he just carries on like nothing is happening, whilst im sat here on my own in a mess, cutting myself, not eating, ending up in a state. He says its all my own fault, that i make myself worse. He also says how every1 else in my life r causing me too much stress, but cant c how him giving me the cold shoulder like this is ten million times worse than anythign anyone else could put me thru.

My friend thinks I should just leave him, no matter how much it hurts. She says he'll never change. Thing is tho when its good its SOOO good, and easy and fun.

im on my third preg now and this time it was planned and iv been so proud of the fact we decided to have this bub together, my other 2 i was made to feel ashamed of myself, this time it was meant to be different. So how come its not different? Sometimes i wonder if he came back cos of the bub-Id h8 that.

it scares me cos he threatened me with solicitor action when were apart a couple v months bak..then he had a change of heart, n now im back under the thumb he starts again.

sorry for going on about what r probably seemingly insignificant problems.