18-11-2009 - Breast Feeding Nerves

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

With my son I chose not to breast feed. It just wasn't the right situation and no one in my family did so I made the mistake of going with the pack. We lived w/ my MIL at the time and I am a very private person so it made me really uncomfortable. The thought she could see my tatas if she walked in while I was feeding freaked me out. I regret that decision. I wish I had the bonding experience with him. So this time around I really would like to give it a go. But I have so many questions.

Like I said no one in my family did so I don't know who to ask. I work full time too, so I will have to pump as well and I do not know the protocol for that at work. Do I have to use my breaks, do they a lot time for this, will they give me a private room? What type of pump? What type of bottle should I use because of nipple confusion? Will my baby refuse breast or refuse the bottle if I do both? There are A LOT of pumps to choose from. I really want to experience this. I do not want to regret it again. It is not something you can rewind and redo.

Not to mention my fear of bf in public. I know it is my given right as a mother to be able to bf in public. But is there away I can make it a intimate affair between mother and daughter while out in public? I am determined. My DH stands behind and will support me. I just really want this to work out and want to experience the bond, this may be my last pregnancy. I also worrying my son will ask why not him when he is older. I don't want him to feel less important or like he didn't deserve the same attention. I love him deeply. I was just niave and inexperienced. I wish to this day I had with him.

Any advice, tips, or knowledge it greatly appreciated. I am completely clueless. Is there someone out there (for free, money tight, lol) that can help, like a counsler or something. HELP, really confused