dsquared83's I-am-pregnantblog

dsquared83
	Age: 26 Country: USA Province/region: California City: Partner: Curtis Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: AP
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 654 days ago. Member since: 1182 days
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15-2-2009 - The Idea

My mood while writing this blog:
Sad

It's been a long road for me

I've been learning about myself on the way which is the positive that came out of all this

AF has fully showed up and I took another pregnancy test this morning and instead of seeing a negative I see a really faint positive, but I will post the picture and you can tell me what you think.

I understand why people say to not test early. To be honest I never wanted to know that my first pregnancy might end up as a Chemical one.

I always had the idea that I would be so happy and I would see those 2 dark lines, not a dark line and a faint one.

And now I feel this way....I feel like the first time In my life that I have gotten pregnant (That I know of) took that happiness away.

To know that it was there for a breif moment....To think that my life is gunna change....To think that 9 months later I was gunna be somebodies mommy.

I know that 50 to 60% of first pregnancies end up as Chemical, and I know that I can still have my chance, but this is my first one (that I know of). Can you understand? Like that song goes "The first cut is the deepest"

I dont want to believe that I've lost (my first child that I know of) even if it wasnt my fault....I know that in the laws eyes (my first child that I know of) was not a human being yet, but when your TTC everyting is important....The way you eat....how healthy you are....

Since I got that first and second faint poitive I have a cart in Wal-Mart that has everything a baby needs in it....Sittin there waitig....Me and my husbend to be has decided he was gunna be a stay at home dad or work at night...We were gearing up for a life change that we were both ready for and not to mention (our first time concieving)

Just to know that I have concieved a piece of my heart went with it.

So, I'm not gunna give up just yet...I know with everything I just said I'm about to contradict myself, but I still have hope....I'm hoping for this pregnancy to be viable....I'm hoping that I'm one of those people who have a period while pregnant

I think Im done venting now

Thanks for listening

I'm still gunna go to my appointment Monday morning to see what the deal is.

After looking at the test one more time I noticed that my test says "for in-vitro diagnostic use only"

2 Comments on The Idea

vicki--mommy of 4 - Sunday, 15 Feb
I'm so sorry hun. I know this is difficult. Take care of yourself.

DiandClover - Sunday, 15 Feb
Hun, I am still holding hope for you, once I started to spot, the test showed absolutely negative (three of them!) so the fact you see another line, no matter how light, means you still have something to hold on to. No matter how early you are in pregnancy, especially when it is something you are hoping for, that baby is a BABY - you can vividly see how things will be with that child in your life. Women have bled throughout pregnancy (Allison:Chickenmouse on my friends network has really been through an ordeal!) yet still have healthy babies. So with hope on your side, and another positive test (I do see it), lets just wait and see what the bloodwork says tomorrow. You will have everything you speak of in your blog, if not with this pregnancy, very, very soon, I just know it! PS: the "in-vitro diagnostic use only on the box" is just a legal requirement for the FDA, it's on all tests (or legally is supposed to be) it just means it's a test to diagnose something based on a sample from a human.

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