11-4-2009 - Being Courageous

My mood while writing this blog: kinda hurt but still empowered

So today I did something big! Most of you know Brian is a submariner in the US Navy... well if you dont know about how it all work s I will try to explain. The guys leave (only boys on subs so only wives at home) and the wives get together once a month to plan stuff... parties, packages, cards, games and such its called the FRG. I was super involved the last time Brian was deployed and I loved it because I love planning and all that. Another vocabulary word for you is Ombudsman... this person is the liason between the boat and wives, sure we could all do the foot work and find out dates and other important info but instead we have one person to do it for us... this person can get in contact with the boat quicker than the rest of us so if we have an emergency we tell her, she relays it to the boat, because of this everything you tell her is confidential. OK, not that you know what I am refering to let me start my story......

A long long time ago, I attened every meeting and always came up with the cool crafts and cheap ways to cut corners, then I miscarried... every boat wife knew I was pregnant because I was one of the first to get preggo after their last deployment. The ombudsman was told of our tragedy who then passed on the message to the boat, she then also passed on my news to a few of the wives and then informed me of a few wives who have been through what I had just been through. I felt so betrayed and like my life was just wide open for everyone to see... this all happened like 2 days after my D&C... so a billion, "Sorry for your loss" phone calls I DID NOT NEED!!! I felt comepletely embarrased, naked in front of every other boat wife... i felt like they were all secretly talking about me "You know, Stewart's wife lost the baby....". I vowed to never show my face at a meeting again for fear that the other wives would treat me differently and such. My troubles with the Ombudsman have gotten worse and I dont really care because I dont talk to her anymore, the next time something happens I will go straight to the source myself... no middle man needed.

Anyway, my major accomplishment today was that I attened the meeting! I made suggestions and decorated cards and really enjoyed doing all the boat stuff again. I did have a few of the wives ask me if I knew what I was having (I guess they found out about my most recent pregnancy) and I was crushed, though I managed to not cry. My arch enemy was there but I paid her no attention what so ever. I am very prouod myself!

Thats all for now... thought I would share my little accomplishment with you all!