| em2 stewarts wife | |
| em2 stewarts wife has 64 days to go and is now in week 30 | |
 | Age: 22 Country: US Province/region: Virginia City: Norfolk Partner: Brian Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 21 Apr ,2012 Occupation: SAHM |
| Online: 11 days ago. Last updated: 318 days ago. Member since: 1331 days | |
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21 Comments on Feeling paranoid
min41 - Wednesday, 10 Mar
Heh hun. I know that nothing that anyone can say now will make your fears go away, and i know how when you have lost so many babies it is hard to stay positive about this one. But, what I will say is that no matter what happens (and I pray for you everyday that this will be the one that you hold and hug and nurse) you need to bond, love and connect with this little one inside you. It is hard, but allow yourself to hope, to believe and to love. It is not going to hurt any more or any less, so just enjoy every moment and continue to get regular u/s for reassurance. I am not telling you to not have fears, that is ok too, just to balance it and don't let it take over. Share your fears with your DH, at the same time as planning your life with this little one. Big hugs ***
heids - Tuesday, 9 Mar
Oh Em, I so wish I could say magic words to bring back the blind trust that everything will be fine but I think that after even one mc it's impossible. Instead I wish you strength, peace and hope beyond hope that this is your time. Huge hugs Hxxx
ryleighsmom - Tuesday, 9 Mar
I just want to share, I lost my symptoms with this pregnancy, and was FREAKING OUT, and went to get an Ultrasound, and baby was fine...sometimes it is just nature's way of torturing us...good luck at your apointment, and try to stay calm (easier said than done, I know)
Pocahontas - Monday, 8 Mar
Oh I want to breakdown and cry for you. I know this feeling all too well. It is the most horrid feeling, that fear. Appointments become these obstacles that you have to get through. There is not much that one can say that will make it better. Experience is out weighing anything you can muster from a positive point of view. The only thing that will make you feel better for is seeing your healthy little bean on Friday. Good luck coping with the next few days. My thoughts and prayers are with you *huge big understanding hug* - L
shellyc - Monday, 8 Mar
hunnie my thoughts are with u i am 18 weeks and have a little bit of a belly, sore boobs and i think i feel movement every once in awhile but i keep freaking out
shellyc - Monday, 8 Mar
hunnie my thoughts are with u i am 18 weeks and have a little bit of a belly, sore boobs and i think i feel movement every once in awhile but i keep freaking out
amandunn - Monday, 8 Mar
Holding my breath and praying for you to have a wonderful appointment. You have every right to worry and I'd be doing the exact same thing if I were in your shoes. We're all holding your hand right now.
CarminaK - Monday, 8 Mar
Hugs and Lots of Love coming your way!!!! I'll be praying for you guys everyday!
BabySaunders - Monday, 8 Mar
I've only had one m/c, but I can imagine what you're going through. Although with my second pregnancy, I just knew it would stick. I hope you get that sense of relief soon. I'll be thinking of you during your next appt and I'll be looking forward to reading the GOOD news that everything is still going as planned. :)
expecting angel 3 - Monday, 8 Mar
Lets just pray that since this is something new and different that it means everything is progressing normally. I have faith that this baby is doing great and will be home in your arms before you know it. I can only imagine the dread for the next appt. with so many losses and I'm sure that feeling will never go away.
aussiegirl80 - Monday, 8 Mar
((Hugs)) Praying for you that everything will be perfect on Friday! I was the same with this baby. On the day of my ultrasound and the week leading up to it (My appt was also at 8 weeks) I had NO more morning sickness and to be honest my bb's weren't really that sensitive (probably from constantly feeling them lol). I thought that for sure that we were going to have bad news - and then what do you know - everything was ok. I hope that your story works out the same as mine did, you deserve this baby so much xxxx
shesAWKWARD - Monday, 8 Mar
i know you are just beyond worried and with your past you have every right to be. with my pregnancy w. abbie went just like that. i was sick i was worried and when i wasnt sick i was even MORE worried lol. but then i just couldnt take anymore. the only thought that helped was that i should just let my self enjoy my baby while that baby was still here with me. i wouldnt want that baby to think its time here was a sad thing. i would want that baby to know that its time with me was a happy thing and that i loved that baby dearly. thank goodness she made it. I remember havin a hard time returning to the place that i lost the first baby. and i would start panicing and my heart rate would get so bad they couldnt release me from care.. so they made a deal with me. i would get an u/s each time i came there THEN we could talk about things. not ever before. the first thing they would do is make sure the heart beat was normal and the baby was good to go THEN they take my vitals.. lol it worked though. i was calm :) Anywho i just wanted to tell you i know how you feel and that feeling of anxity too. I hope some how you can feel postitve again and let things run their intended course! i wish you lick and still prayin for your family!
mrsw - Monday, 8 Mar
Nichole I'm so sorry. It's very sad that if you are ever unlucky enough to experience a m/c nothing is ever the same again. There is no innocence, just fear and paranoia. I'm thinking of you and wishing you the biggest heartbeat on your next appointment. I love to say try to be positive but it's not possible. BIG HUGS to you!!!!
WhatCouldBe2 - Monday, 8 Mar
Praying for you. I know its hard but try and relax, stress is no good! I know that its hard to trust your body to do the right thing after loss... Sending you hugs
kari.mck - Monday, 8 Mar
EM - thinking of you. I am glad you have an outlet like this blog to get those feelings out. We are all there with you and will be with you in the room at each of your appointments. So vent away. Hugs...
mll28 - Monday, 8 Mar
Aww i could only imagine how you truly feel. I'm so sorry hun :( I'm thinking positive thoughts for you everyday.Do you get an u/s on friday???
beckybear - Monday, 8 Mar
EM - You know that I know that you know this waiting really SUX!!!! I am right there with you. At the end of last week, I was really sure it was over, and it still might be, or it might not be. I think it's encouraging that you heard something that approximates 150 bpm in your baby area. :) My sister has a doppler, but she didn't seem to think much of it, so I'm not sure if I will get one or not. I keep hearing how rare it is to lose once you've seen the HB, but that really doesn't make you feel any better, b/c you and I know that doesn't mean squat. It's so hard when the symptoms come and go. I was freaking out last week b/c my boobs really weren't sore and I wasn't tired, and I wasn't feeling that bone chilling cold any more. Then yesterday when I woke up my BBs were pretty sore, and I had my characteristic nausea after dinner last night. OMG, do you know I was so neurotic that I recalled that when my levels were on the way up, around 6 weeks my BBs hurt so bad it felt like they would fall off. So yesterday when my BBs were more sore than they had been in a while, I thought, "what if my levels are falling and I hit the magical BB hurting level again". I say all of this not to be talking about me on your blog, but to make you know that you are not alone in being scared and irrational and crazy! We will make it through this week and I so hope that both of us come out of our appts with big smiles for the weekend! You are doing something differently this time, you are taking a med to control a hormone problem, that's super encouraging.
ImWaiting4Baby - Monday, 8 Mar
I know that ever familiar feeling coming up to appointments! I am now 19 +4 weeks and I ahve an appointment on Friday and an Ultrasound and I am still scared to death to hear that dreaded news. I have been feeling some movement though so that is always reassuring. I have a doppler as well and LOVE It!!! You can hear a difference between the placenta and the baby's heartbeat. Sometimes depending on how the baby is laying you can even hear both. Praying for you!
mgmommy - Monday, 8 Mar
Oh Em, (((hugs))) I can imagine this is incredibly difficult for you - I pray everyday that this will be your miracle. Let us know how your appt goes on Friday.
butterfly-angel - Monday, 8 Mar
Oh Em - I completely understand! I will be 7 weeks in 2 days - and have zero symptoms. BB's a bit sore - but nothing really - I think I press on them 20 times a day to make sure they are still a bit sensitive!! I feel like a freak!! I so wish I was sick as a dog too!!!! I want morning sickness all day - please!!!! I only see my doc on March 19th for the first time - its killing me!!!
3rdTry - Monday, 8 Mar
Aww I am like that too, I know its going to be horrible next pregnancy, I might go crazy.
| 08-3-2010 - Feeling paranoid |  My mood while writing this blog:terrified and unpregnant |
So I really just want to have more control during all of this. I am so sick and tired of loss after loss It is so hard to stay possitive, and as a matter of fact I get less and less possitive near appointments. My next appointment is this upcoming Friday and I cant shake the feeling that its going to be like all the rest. I have seen the heart beat twice but from my experience that doesn’t mean much. I should be exstatic but I am just worried and scared. I am 7w3d today and will be 8w exactly on Friday. With my last missed m/c the dr told us the baby probably died around 8 weeks (though we didn’t find out about that until 13 weeks) I had been pretty sick almost everyday starting at 5w but its getting less and less now and I hate that. I just want to feel terrible… I just want to be sick everyday all day. I hate that I am not feeling sick today… as a matter of fact I am feeling very unpregnant today. I know that symptoms come and go. I also know that being sick doesn’t necissarily mean that everything is ok (with both my missed m/c’s I still had morning sickness and tender boobs) It seems I will neer be able to relax while pregnant. I just want this so bad. I just want to hold my baby in my arms. I am petrified that I will never have that… terrified that I am doomed to a childless life, living miscarriage to miscarriage.
My new doppler arrived this morning. Though I am still very very early. While playing around with it for a little we did hear a few sounds. I heard my own heart (held it right over my heart and could hear is perfectly) Then I played with it around my uterus area. On the left side we could clearly hear a whoosh, whoosh whoosh sound. Brian thinks this is the heart beat but I am almost possitive that it is jut the placenta. Though when I went to do it again a few hours later I couldn’t hear it on the left, instead it was on the right. Weird huh? The average heart rate according to the doppler is around 150 something. I don’t think I will trust it though for another couple of weeks…. If we make it that far.
Its funny because for about 4 or 5 days I have been feeling like this, worried because I am not as sick as I was and then I typically throw up a few hours after getting really worked up and worried about it. Though so far today, I don’t feel anything. Anyway, I just wanted to write how I was feeling today. Hopefully the next few days will be easier and I will get good news on Friday. Your prayers mean everthing to me… your support is helping me more than you can imagine! Thank you guys for being here for me!
21 Comments on Feeling paranoid
min41 - Wednesday, 10 Mar
Heh hun. I know that nothing that anyone can say now will make your fears go away, and i know how when you have lost so many babies it is hard to stay positive about this one. But, what I will say is that no matter what happens (and I pray for you everyday that this will be the one that you hold and hug and nurse) you need to bond, love and connect with this little one inside you. It is hard, but allow yourself to hope, to believe and to love. It is not going to hurt any more or any less, so just enjoy every moment and continue to get regular u/s for reassurance. I am not telling you to not have fears, that is ok too, just to balance it and don't let it take over. Share your fears with your DH, at the same time as planning your life with this little one. Big hugs ***
heids - Tuesday, 9 Mar
Oh Em, I so wish I could say magic words to bring back the blind trust that everything will be fine but I think that after even one mc it's impossible. Instead I wish you strength, peace and hope beyond hope that this is your time. Huge hugs Hxxx
ryleighsmom - Tuesday, 9 Mar
I just want to share, I lost my symptoms with this pregnancy, and was FREAKING OUT, and went to get an Ultrasound, and baby was fine...sometimes it is just nature's way of torturing us...good luck at your apointment, and try to stay calm (easier said than done, I know)
Pocahontas - Monday, 8 Mar
Oh I want to breakdown and cry for you. I know this feeling all too well. It is the most horrid feeling, that fear. Appointments become these obstacles that you have to get through. There is not much that one can say that will make it better. Experience is out weighing anything you can muster from a positive point of view. The only thing that will make you feel better for is seeing your healthy little bean on Friday. Good luck coping with the next few days. My thoughts and prayers are with you *huge big understanding hug* - L
shellyc - Monday, 8 Mar
hunnie my thoughts are with u i am 18 weeks and have a little bit of a belly, sore boobs and i think i feel movement every once in awhile but i keep freaking out
shellyc - Monday, 8 Mar
hunnie my thoughts are with u i am 18 weeks and have a little bit of a belly, sore boobs and i think i feel movement every once in awhile but i keep freaking out
amandunn - Monday, 8 Mar
Holding my breath and praying for you to have a wonderful appointment. You have every right to worry and I'd be doing the exact same thing if I were in your shoes. We're all holding your hand right now.
CarminaK - Monday, 8 Mar
Hugs and Lots of Love coming your way!!!! I'll be praying for you guys everyday!
BabySaunders - Monday, 8 Mar
I've only had one m/c, but I can imagine what you're going through. Although with my second pregnancy, I just knew it would stick. I hope you get that sense of relief soon. I'll be thinking of you during your next appt and I'll be looking forward to reading the GOOD news that everything is still going as planned. :)
expecting angel 3 - Monday, 8 Mar
Lets just pray that since this is something new and different that it means everything is progressing normally. I have faith that this baby is doing great and will be home in your arms before you know it. I can only imagine the dread for the next appt. with so many losses and I'm sure that feeling will never go away.
aussiegirl80 - Monday, 8 Mar
((Hugs)) Praying for you that everything will be perfect on Friday! I was the same with this baby. On the day of my ultrasound and the week leading up to it (My appt was also at 8 weeks) I had NO more morning sickness and to be honest my bb's weren't really that sensitive (probably from constantly feeling them lol). I thought that for sure that we were going to have bad news - and then what do you know - everything was ok. I hope that your story works out the same as mine did, you deserve this baby so much xxxx
shesAWKWARD - Monday, 8 Mar
i know you are just beyond worried and with your past you have every right to be. with my pregnancy w. abbie went just like that. i was sick i was worried and when i wasnt sick i was even MORE worried lol. but then i just couldnt take anymore. the only thought that helped was that i should just let my self enjoy my baby while that baby was still here with me. i wouldnt want that baby to think its time here was a sad thing. i would want that baby to know that its time with me was a happy thing and that i loved that baby dearly. thank goodness she made it. I remember havin a hard time returning to the place that i lost the first baby. and i would start panicing and my heart rate would get so bad they couldnt release me from care.. so they made a deal with me. i would get an u/s each time i came there THEN we could talk about things. not ever before. the first thing they would do is make sure the heart beat was normal and the baby was good to go THEN they take my vitals.. lol it worked though. i was calm :) Anywho i just wanted to tell you i know how you feel and that feeling of anxity too. I hope some how you can feel postitve again and let things run their intended course! i wish you lick and still prayin for your family!
mrsw - Monday, 8 Mar
Nichole I'm so sorry. It's very sad that if you are ever unlucky enough to experience a m/c nothing is ever the same again. There is no innocence, just fear and paranoia. I'm thinking of you and wishing you the biggest heartbeat on your next appointment. I love to say try to be positive but it's not possible. BIG HUGS to you!!!!
WhatCouldBe2 - Monday, 8 Mar
Praying for you. I know its hard but try and relax, stress is no good! I know that its hard to trust your body to do the right thing after loss... Sending you hugs
kari.mck - Monday, 8 Mar
EM - thinking of you. I am glad you have an outlet like this blog to get those feelings out. We are all there with you and will be with you in the room at each of your appointments. So vent away. Hugs...
mll28 - Monday, 8 Mar
Aww i could only imagine how you truly feel. I'm so sorry hun :( I'm thinking positive thoughts for you everyday.Do you get an u/s on friday???
beckybear - Monday, 8 Mar
EM - You know that I know that you know this waiting really SUX!!!! I am right there with you. At the end of last week, I was really sure it was over, and it still might be, or it might not be. I think it's encouraging that you heard something that approximates 150 bpm in your baby area. :) My sister has a doppler, but she didn't seem to think much of it, so I'm not sure if I will get one or not. I keep hearing how rare it is to lose once you've seen the HB, but that really doesn't make you feel any better, b/c you and I know that doesn't mean squat. It's so hard when the symptoms come and go. I was freaking out last week b/c my boobs really weren't sore and I wasn't tired, and I wasn't feeling that bone chilling cold any more. Then yesterday when I woke up my BBs were pretty sore, and I had my characteristic nausea after dinner last night. OMG, do you know I was so neurotic that I recalled that when my levels were on the way up, around 6 weeks my BBs hurt so bad it felt like they would fall off. So yesterday when my BBs were more sore than they had been in a while, I thought, "what if my levels are falling and I hit the magical BB hurting level again". I say all of this not to be talking about me on your blog, but to make you know that you are not alone in being scared and irrational and crazy! We will make it through this week and I so hope that both of us come out of our appts with big smiles for the weekend! You are doing something differently this time, you are taking a med to control a hormone problem, that's super encouraging.
ImWaiting4Baby - Monday, 8 Mar
I know that ever familiar feeling coming up to appointments! I am now 19 +4 weeks and I ahve an appointment on Friday and an Ultrasound and I am still scared to death to hear that dreaded news. I have been feeling some movement though so that is always reassuring. I have a doppler as well and LOVE It!!! You can hear a difference between the placenta and the baby's heartbeat. Sometimes depending on how the baby is laying you can even hear both. Praying for you!
mgmommy - Monday, 8 Mar
Oh Em, (((hugs))) I can imagine this is incredibly difficult for you - I pray everyday that this will be your miracle. Let us know how your appt goes on Friday.
butterfly-angel - Monday, 8 Mar
Oh Em - I completely understand! I will be 7 weeks in 2 days - and have zero symptoms. BB's a bit sore - but nothing really - I think I press on them 20 times a day to make sure they are still a bit sensitive!! I feel like a freak!! I so wish I was sick as a dog too!!!! I want morning sickness all day - please!!!! I only see my doc on March 19th for the first time - its killing me!!!
3rdTry - Monday, 8 Mar
Aww I am like that too, I know its going to be horrible next pregnancy, I might go crazy.
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