17-6-2010 - 22 weeks and Speaking to Dad again

My mood while writing this blog: cautious

Alrighty Ladies... week 22 is in full swing, almost over actually. Brian took leave starting this weekend so we have been pretty busy and will be until he goes back to work next week! Monday we had our scan and found out that Sea Monkey #5 is a little lady. I wrote a blog about that and I know most of you already knew from that blog all about the scan BUT what I forgot to mention is that my sister sent my Father a text and told him to call me. He has been telling my sister that he will call me for months now but he just never got around to it. So when she sent him the text saying that the baby was doing well and that he should call he did. I almost didnt know if I should answer the phone but I did. (For those who didnt know me last year, Last June while I was in the middle of miscarrying for the 4th time my father and I got in a huge fight and he told me that he was effing happy that "THAT" baby died. Obviously I was very angry and hurt by his comment and I stopped talking to him all together for an entire year. I sent him a letter shortly after our last conversation telling him to apologize and until he did I would not accept his calls and such. This year he sent me a birthday card with $100... I threw away the check and mailed the card back.)

My morning was going far too well to let someone like him ruin that so I let bygons be bygons and we finally talked after over a year of silence. I could barely understand him when I first answered because he was crying so much but even with out caller ID I would have known it was him... I have heard him cry more than I have cried in my lifetime! I didnt mention him needing to apologize and he did not apologize anyway. I figured why start a fight already so we just talked about the baby and his work. He called me back later that night and we spoke more again not mentioning our last conversation in 2009. We spoke for more than an hour about stupid everyday things and agreed that we should get together some time. It is not so easy to do so because he lives 3 hours from here but I made that trip almost everyweekend while in highschool so I dont see why he cant take the drive down himself if he really wanted to.

So here I am... sort of reconsiled with my Father... It is nice to talk to him... he is my dad and I have always loved him and will always love him but part of me still feels like he owes me at least an apology. Perhaps I will mention to him how I feel the next time we speak but at the same time I wonder if it will ruin what we have started again. But should I care if it ruins things now? Is an apology worth it? I spent the last year not talking to him and being perfectly content doing so and it would not be any different than if we hadnt spoken at all if we stopped speaking again... hmmm... we shall see I guess. I just sort of feel like unless I get that apology I will underlyingly resent him for it forever. And I know Brian will be angry if he does not apologize. Brian is very perticular when it comes to my dad... My dad has given him (just like he has given me) countless reasons to not trust him but he is my dad and I will almost always forgive him.

Anyway, thats it for 22 weeks. The baby is growing, she is a girl, she is beautiful and perfect! My belly is huge!!! We have decided her name will be Alison (one L) Grace. Alison (one L) was my great grandmothers name... and thats how she would say it, "Alison, one L!" lol and Grace was Brian's great grandmother's name. I love it... it is classic and makes me think of happy times. Brian rubs my belly now and says "Hey Ally" and she gets all squirmy so I guess she approves as well! Thanks for reading guys and let me know what you think about the whole dad and apology situation!