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|17-2-2010 - Missing Out
||My mood while writing this blog:|
I had this best friend. She saw me through a horrible relationship and was there when I became involved with my husband and was always very supportive. I've always been laid back, and more family -oriented. While I've always liked going out with the girls, I've been very cautious not to let it interfere with "family time" etc. She on the other hand probably from having not the greatest family life (who does?) has learned to take care of herself first. To do what she wants in life and not think about others that much. It's like she thinks that people try to hold her back with their feelings. All of this I knew about her the entire time we've been friends and just accepted this about her.
I got pregnant the first time and made her godmother, and she was so happy and everything was amazing. And then I lost my baby and she tried to be supportive. I withdrew. My husband and I curled up for days just holding eachother and keeping eachother safe from the outside world. Eventually we came out and we were so at peace with what had happened, she really couldn't be that supportive for me because as far as anyone could tell I was fine...well as fine as you can be.
When I mentioned that we were trying again for another child she scrunched up her nose and asked me if that was really the best idea. I asked her what she meant and she said to me, "You're 23yrs old. And your freaking married! Slow down. Live your life. You should go travel to Germany or Jamaica or something. Don't tie yourself down." At one point of the conversation she openly said, "I do not support your decision to get pregnant." When I told her that i was pregnant she acted happy for me, and then quickly switched the subject.
I had made a decision. I couldn't be mad at her for having the feelings that she had. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I can be offended. So I decided that I would not include her in my baby's life. If she wanted to call and talk about school or work or dating, whatever, that was fine. But when it came to the baby I didn't want to tell her about it just so that she could fake happiness over it, after I already knew how she felt. That seemed reasonable to me. We can still be friends, but leave the child that you don't approve of out of it. Over the course of some weeks she met and fell in love with someone and only rarely called me. Which I completely understand. On the rare occasion that she did call me she would half-heartedly ask me about the baby, but I could tell that she was only asking me because she felt like she was supposed to. I would answer in as little of a response as was possible and then we would move onto a different subject.
It's been about 4 months now that we haven't seen eachother and only talked a handful of times on the phone. It's all been polite and awkward. We make plans to meet for breakfast and then end up cancelling on eachother. My husband says that it's mostly me because I was so offended that I treat her tersely. And that might be the case. But she definitely treats me that way back. I found out I'm having a girl and I texted everyone but her (I know that's petty, but part of me wanted something to talk about if she ever called me) and I posted it on myspace and facebook and tons of people commented, even her own mother. She was on at the same time and even commented on someone else, but never said a word to me. So I can tell that she's mad at me. I don't know why. I thought that she was oblivious to my feelings just being happy and in love. And I've never been rude to her, I just always steered the conversation away from the baby. I don't understand it. I feel lost.
I mostly just feel like the two of us are missing out. She hasn't seen my baby bump or gone shopping with me or helped me plan a baby shower. Like she did with all of her other friends that got pregnant against her advice. She may disapprove of babies in our age group but she generally does get excited and wants to be involved in the planning and decorating. And she's missing out on this. And I'm missing out on my best friend. I haven't even met this "love of her life" yet. Or got to hear about all of their dates or just how her life is going in general. Because of this initial fundamental disagreement and life pulling us in different directions, now we're worlds apart just missing out on each other. I think I touched on in a past blog that my mother is not being very supportive right now. So I just really need a close female in my life to help me with this, and she's gone. My husband is great, I'm so lucky to be with him, but he's not a replacement. I don't think friends or husbands can replace eachother. They are both very important to have when you're going through something like this. I'm just at a lost for what to do now.
1 Comments on Missing Outsymmanithia
- Wednesday, 17 Feb i am sorry to hear this! I am 21 and im having my second child. I do not regret having my children young and i do not regret getting married young. Though i am happy as i can be, i do not have a single friend that supported my decision to have a family and not party all night long. So i too am left without a bestfriend. Everyone who was close to me quit calling and i have not had a single visitor in the last 5 and a half months. Its hard to have someone in your life and then all of a sudden vanish, especially at a point where you really need them to be there. Im sorry you are going through this, if you need someone to talk to i am here!