03-5-2008 - My Mother is driving me crazy!

My mood while writing this blog: Crazy

This week was crazy at work and a hellava emotional week at home. I had a few days that I was sooo tired and emotional it was literally hard to get out of bed. I'm eagerly looking forward to this maternity leave in July! Yesterday, I called my mom, that I have a pretty distant relationship with and had a huge argument with her. She has really not been apart of my life since my husband and I got married 1 1/2 years ago and I had to invite her to the baby shower and to come out to visit when Jordan is born, Long story short, she was pretty rude to me as usual and I left the conversation feeling worse. I have tried to get her involved in my life for almost 2 years and she refuses because she has been upset that I moved away with my 16 year old son (her only grandchild) which she is really close to, and she has felt betrayed by me living my own life. She was a single mom when she raised my sister and I and has never been involved in a relationship since she divorced my father when I was very young. (Serious therapy issues in my family as you can see). It hurts because you only get one mother, and I have been trying to reach out to her every month since I moved here and she pretty much only wants communication with my son. I did explain to her that I would not allow her or anyone else to make a difference in my kids and that we need to work on our differences so that she has a relationship with both of her grandkids and Charleston and I. I realize that I truly have to let go and let God have his way in this situation, but it has been hard. I'm so blessed with such a wonderful life and family and I just want her to be apart of that and it's painful that she can't get over her issues and just be there for me. Anywho... I decided that the ball is in her court. She is my mother and I will continue to call and check in on her but I can't force her to do anything. Enough of that...Wow- it does feel better to get that load off my chest :)