| femi | |
 | Age: 27 Country: U.S.A. Province/region: City: New York Partner: Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Please select Due date: 09 0 ,0000 Occupation: Teacher |
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March 24, 2008
Teaching is just a sea of emotions, huh? It's hijacking my pregnancy journal! Well, today wasn't awful, except that having people observe you all day gets tiring. Plus, I planned for reading and not writing and, thus, attended my pre-observation meeting unprepared, yet again. I was so embarrassed. When I changed the subject to my having to leave early today, I burst into tears. My irritable bowel syndrome has been acting up the bad way since Thursday. I'm getting colon spasms and the whole nine. I went to see my doctor about it today and luckily my AP was sweet enough to immediately get that approved for me. Also, I finally scheduled me level 2 ultrasound and genetic counseling for this Thursday. I felt so embarrassed, that I felt I couldn't function the rest of the day. It was nice to leave early, but I feel so blue .... like I suck as a teacher and that's why they're observing me left and right.
And! Last night, our Carbon Monoxide alarm went off. We called 911 and everything. The firemen came and I was sitting by an open window (as suggested on the alarm). They said there were no detected levels of CO. It was so scary. We bugged out for a bit. And that plus my IBS going wild was already putting me on edge. And, anxiety makes the IBS worse, so it was a somewhat vicious cycle. Luckily, we got Nip / Tuck, Season 5, Episode 6 downloaded and I felt better. :oP
Anyway, I feel so blah. I feel like people at my school are so sweet that it's too good to be true and, thus, it only makes me feel more guilt for not doing things they way they want / expect. I feel like an utter failure as a first year teacher ... like I've let my kids and administrators down. It's frustrating.
In other news, my husband doesn't have sickle cell trait, so that's good! Now, our baby doesn't have a risk for sickle cell anemia. Also, I can totally feel my baby moving right now! Maybe she's kicking me to tell me to stop the current self-loathing that is going on within me. What else? Oh! So, my doctor and I discussed the amnio thing, and I told him I'm not getting it, and he looked at my all perplexed and told me to "think hard" about it. Dude! 1%! He even tried to further persuade me by saying: Trisomy 18 is worse than Down Syndrome. Um, yeah. Gee, thanks, I know. How bold of him! Plus, if, God forbid, Lia had Trisomy 18, she wouldn't survive long .... so why put her life at greater risk with an amnio? Also, if Lia is perfectly healthy, again, why put her at risk of miscarriage with an amnio?! It's a lose-lose situation in my eyes! His reaction and suggestion was odd.
Also, I told him about my stress on the job and about wanting to take a leave of absence, but he encouraged me to hang in there so that I don't get into a rut if I stay home or merely tutor. Speaking of tutoring, I had to cancel / reschedule again today.... I never feel up to it on Mondays anymore.
Ok, enough stress talk. Things to make me feel better that I shall do tonight:
1. Shop for Lia!
2. Watch talk shows
3. Eat soup
4. Get my package from my neighbor (it's always fun receiving things you order!)
5. Listen to music!
6. Hmmmm, maybe I should take a warm, pregnancy-friendly, bubble bath
7. Meditate
8. Congratulate myself on being, essentially, 19 weeks!
9. Count down the motherfucking days till the last day of school!!!!
Update: Of my "feel good" list, I managed to shop for cute little clothing for Lia and I even bought her a little bassinet, watch some of Dr. Phil, eat a heavenly Campbell's soup, get my package from my neighrbor (which was a shirt I custom ordered that says "a man did this to me" on the belly part), I counted down the days and there are 62 working school days left. Now, I need to take a bath while I meditate and congratulate us for being 19 weeks pregnant!
Comments on Being a Teacher
| 02-4-2008 - Being a Teacher |  My mood while writing this blog:Frustrated |
March 24, 2008
Teaching is just a sea of emotions, huh? It's hijacking my pregnancy journal! Well, today wasn't awful, except that having people observe you all day gets tiring. Plus, I planned for reading and not writing and, thus, attended my pre-observation meeting unprepared, yet again. I was so embarrassed. When I changed the subject to my having to leave early today, I burst into tears. My irritable bowel syndrome has been acting up the bad way since Thursday. I'm getting colon spasms and the whole nine. I went to see my doctor about it today and luckily my AP was sweet enough to immediately get that approved for me. Also, I finally scheduled me level 2 ultrasound and genetic counseling for this Thursday. I felt so embarrassed, that I felt I couldn't function the rest of the day. It was nice to leave early, but I feel so blue .... like I suck as a teacher and that's why they're observing me left and right.
And! Last night, our Carbon Monoxide alarm went off. We called 911 and everything. The firemen came and I was sitting by an open window (as suggested on the alarm). They said there were no detected levels of CO. It was so scary. We bugged out for a bit. And that plus my IBS going wild was already putting me on edge. And, anxiety makes the IBS worse, so it was a somewhat vicious cycle. Luckily, we got Nip / Tuck, Season 5, Episode 6 downloaded and I felt better. :oP
Anyway, I feel so blah. I feel like people at my school are so sweet that it's too good to be true and, thus, it only makes me feel more guilt for not doing things they way they want / expect. I feel like an utter failure as a first year teacher ... like I've let my kids and administrators down. It's frustrating.
In other news, my husband doesn't have sickle cell trait, so that's good! Now, our baby doesn't have a risk for sickle cell anemia. Also, I can totally feel my baby moving right now! Maybe she's kicking me to tell me to stop the current self-loathing that is going on within me. What else? Oh! So, my doctor and I discussed the amnio thing, and I told him I'm not getting it, and he looked at my all perplexed and told me to "think hard" about it. Dude! 1%! He even tried to further persuade me by saying: Trisomy 18 is worse than Down Syndrome. Um, yeah. Gee, thanks, I know. How bold of him! Plus, if, God forbid, Lia had Trisomy 18, she wouldn't survive long .... so why put her life at greater risk with an amnio? Also, if Lia is perfectly healthy, again, why put her at risk of miscarriage with an amnio?! It's a lose-lose situation in my eyes! His reaction and suggestion was odd.
Also, I told him about my stress on the job and about wanting to take a leave of absence, but he encouraged me to hang in there so that I don't get into a rut if I stay home or merely tutor. Speaking of tutoring, I had to cancel / reschedule again today.... I never feel up to it on Mondays anymore.
Ok, enough stress talk. Things to make me feel better that I shall do tonight:
1. Shop for Lia!
2. Watch talk shows
3. Eat soup
4. Get my package from my neighbor (it's always fun receiving things you order!)
5. Listen to music!
6. Hmmmm, maybe I should take a warm, pregnancy-friendly, bubble bath
7. Meditate
8. Congratulate myself on being, essentially, 19 weeks!
9. Count down the motherfucking days till the last day of school!!!!
Update: Of my "feel good" list, I managed to shop for cute little clothing for Lia and I even bought her a little bassinet, watch some of Dr. Phil, eat a heavenly Campbell's soup, get my package from my neighrbor (which was a shirt I custom ordered that says "a man did this to me" on the belly part), I counted down the days and there are 62 working school days left. Now, I need to take a bath while I meditate and congratulate us for being 19 weeks pregnant!
Comments on Being a Teacher
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