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03-4-2008 - I Was Shot

My mood while writing this blog: awkward

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I woke up in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes. I had a dream where one of J's cousins (of course, in the dream, it was actually some random little kid) had a crush on me. Because I did not share the same feelings, the boy called me into a separate room (the living room), away from my husband, J, and shot me ... right in between my two breasts ... right on my chest. There was a debate about whether the gun even had a bullet, but there was certainly a little, tiny hole and there was blood slowly leaving the hole. I was fine. I was freaked out, but fine, and we all decided to head the hospital. Apparently, the boy had used a gun on someone else before, and J wondered why the gun hadn't been discarded the first time. In my dream, I was terrified of losing Lia due to this shot wound. It was the scariest dream I've had in a while. I cried for a good 2 minutes before I could close my eyes and return to sleep. I turned over my pillow because I heard, a long time ago, that turning over your pillow can help you quit dreaming the same dream. I went to Dreammoods.com and found this information about being shot and seeing blood in your dream (I saw blood oozing out of my chest, and spotting on my underwear).

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained.

Women often dream of blood or of someone bleeding shortly before or during their periods and when they are pregnant.

To dream that you are shot, represents a form of self-punishment that you may be unconsciously imposing on yourself. You may have done something that you are ashamed of or are not proud of.

I have been feeling emotionally drained due to the whole situation with me and my lesson planning at my school. Also, it's something that I'm not proud of and I guess I have been practicing self-punishment by locking myself in my room, away from colleagues and relaxing lunches hanging out with them. I don't want to play the victim and so I try to stay strong while at school, but, really, I feel like everyone looks at me and sees a shitty teacher. But why did this subconscious emotion have to surface in a dream that affects my pregnancy, too? I was so afraid of losing my baby! Maybe this pregnancy also has me emotionally drained. Well, hopefully, my day is better than my dream.

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