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14-4-2008 - Amazing

My mood while writing this blog: awe

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I must say, life is something to bow down to. Here I am, pregnant. I just returned from tutoring, but it was such a choppy session: I didn't end up taking the boy to the library today, was given a break to get food 'cause she understands that I'm pregnant and need to eat more often, and then I gave the boy a 2-minute break to say hi to his cousin, which turned into a 45-minute discussion with his mother about womanhood and the rites of passage a girl experiences, such as her first menstruation.

So much fuel for my novel, which is about a girl and her relationship with her mother based on sex, sexuality, and her coming of age as a Latina that had a rather strict and traditional mother that didn't like to discuss the "taboo." It was also fuel for my own thinking about my own motherhood. My novel stems greatly from my experiences with my mother, or lack thereof when it came to discussions on sex and sexuality. So, I wonder what will change once Lia is born. Is my awareness of my mother's shortcomings in this area going to help me better my ability to talk with my daughter? Is my ability to write a novel about these experiences going to help me comprehend her as a girl, teenager, woman?

Sure, she's not even outside the womb, but you can't help but wonder. It was wonderful to talk to the boy's mom today, though .... amazing to share these "girl talk" things that only Latina women seem to be able to share throughout generations ... the same misleadings, the same mystery surrounding sex and menstruation, the same strict and worried mothers ...

On the bus, I was overwhelmed with my thoughts and recap of the day, especially my chat with her. I was overwhelmed by Lia's kicks and powerful presence already. I was overwhelmed by what life has to offer. Such is the life and mind of a Pisces. So many things swimming in our minds and yet everything seems to be unable to fit neatly into words ... and, so, for now, I draw a blank.

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