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21-4-2008 - Blah Blah Blah

My mood while writing this blog: Neutral

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Hey, just wanted to share more information.

Number one, it is true: pregnant women have so many hormones swimming around that it can cause mood swings or, rather, mood roller coasters. Swings make it sound like they are no major deal, a total understatement. Last night, I was traumatized by the movie Trade--feeling utterly helpless about how to help the fight against human/sex trafficking in the U.S. I also became emotional about the love I feel for my husband and everything he has done for me. It was overwhelming and I cried and cried and cried. I was saying all kinds of mushy things including: "Please don't ever leave me!" I thought about when I left him for a month when I was off in South Africa, when we were apart off and on while I was away at college, and, tomorrow, I'm going to Connecticut for a night! How traumatic! :oP I think this guilt-trip, emotional rant started after seeing Rob, on The Kardashians, cry about his girlfriend leaving for India for 3 months. Go figure. My husband held me close and cuddled with me; he caressed my hair and me and told me he loved me and it made feel better, though, in my mind, I was thinking of the one million things I could do better to be a better wife for him, including getting us out of the debt that I firmly know is my fault (like, uh, student loans ... ok, and some credit cards we used for vacations and stuff ....) Ah, hormones!

Number two, I had a vaginal ultrasound at 9 weeks and the lady said my due date was August 18. This wasn't far off from my former-OB's estimate. Still, I am taking an online natural childbirthing course and learned that vaginal ultrasounds (where they stick that phallic symbol in ya!) are pretty accurate, with a margin of error of about +/- 1 day. So, Lia may be born August 17, 18 or 19th. Interesting! I'm not sure where this course gets these kinds of statistics; the lady that created this online course often quotes strong statements and never backs it up with reliable (if any) sources, so we'll see! That said, Lia would be a Leo regardless according to the vaginal ultrasound done at 9 weeks. By the way, the 9 week mark is important because between 8-10 weeks, vaginal ultrasounds are most accurate. I was smack in the middle! I've already started drafting the baby announcement on Shutterfly and, to see how everything would look written out, I predicted she'd be born on August 14 ... still a Leo ... I hear Leos are stubborn divas. We shall see.

Number three, I bought maternity clothing at Target today. Plus, I finally bought a pregnancy pillow from Boppy! It's super comfortable and I can't wait to try it tonight! As for the clothing, I already had two pair of pants for work and my shirts have been fitting fine till now. They are slowly starting to ride up. So, I bought two shirts, a pair of jeans, and three pair of shorts. It was all rather pricey, especially since we threw in household items we needed and my husband bought his niece a gift (his sister was with us and he wanted her to take it to his niece). I may buy a few more shirts, but we'll see. I mean, I shouldn't feel guilty since we saved up money for these types of expenses, including expenses once Lia is born, but, seriously, spending money on maternity clothing just makes me want to have 4 or 5 kids so that I can get my money's worth outta' these things! :oP

Number four, preparing for a baby is like preparing for your first year of teaching. You can read all of the books you want and speak to all of the moms you want and even share with other pregnant women, but, at the end, it's never what you expected. I think this way because that's what teaching was for me: I read, I shared, I talked with others, I asked questions and, in the end, it was not at all what I expected even though other people had shared their experience or warned me. This pregnancy journey is becoming reminiscent of my teaching journey and perhaps that shocking end result that was my first year of teaching will become the shocking end result which is my first year as a parent.

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