Members

As a member you'll be able to receive and send messages, keep your own photobook, agenda, ask questions, participate in the chat, and make new friends. All is free and you don't need email.
Sign up (free & anonymous)

Name: Password:

---

Activity
• Now online | Member search | New members | Comment Spy
• New blogs & Questions | Recently updated profiles
• New photos: Pregnancy | Babies | Bellies | Ultrasound | Member pages
• Latest comments: Forums | Week by week | Baby development

Write a new blog

---

10-10-2008 - Explaining my new Q on the Q&A (long read)

My mood while writing this blog: Stuck

---

So, I found a sitter near my school last minute. I found her through an ad. I had searching ads forever and only found sketchy people that didn't seem to know what they were talking about or how to keep it professional. My husband took the promotion and my father was, consequently, unable to babysit because J's new hours would require longer hours of my father and he already has a job that he can't sacrifice. Anyway, it was hustle time ... I found her ad, called her, met her that same day at the yard of our lower school (for k-1 grades), hung out with her and my daughter for a little bit, met her daughter, and then went home. The following day, my husband and I went back and asked her questions, got her license number (she's a licensed provider), showed her our proposed contract, and jotted down her references. The day after that, we returned and she stayed with the baby for an hour to see how everything went. The following two days were full days of care and I visited during lunch. She did well, and everything seemed to be flowing already: she's only charging $100/wk because she's a family daycare where other kids can also receive care, but, for now, Lia is the only one!

Now, for my concerns. I've caught onto a couple of things that she chose to not share with me and that I, as a new mom, did not ask about clearly or directly. When she told me that she lived with her daughter and fiance, I was fine with that, but she never mentioned the male roommate that also happens to be her fiance's uncle. She also didn't mention, until today, that he smokes. As I walked into the apartment this morning before work, she ushered me into her room because of the smell of smoke in the living room that she did not want the baby around. I knew her home smelled familiar!

I spent some time at a friend's home yesterday and her mom smokes ... well, her home smells like the sitter's home. I put two and two together: there's smoke in her home. And, sure enough, it was confirmed this morning with her comment about the roommate. Even though the roommate has his own room and he spends his time in there with the door shut, I can't help but feel uncomfortable at the thought of it her home not being smoke-free. Somehow, that has to affect a baby, no? And then she mentioned that he had the day off and was in the apartment ... perhaps not all day, but still! He was there! I don't know him. What if he's physcho? In fact, I don't even know her fiance, but I know her license number, and can track her background, plus I know her 5-year-old daughter and walk her to school as a favor so that she doesn't have to do it while caring for Lia. But her fiance and his uncle? I don't know them! This is bugging me out, seriously.

Then, I noticed that she doesn't have extensive experience working with kids aside from being a mom (she only had two references and both were short-lived jobs in daycares). In fact, only one of her two references called me back and, although they had positive things to say, it was rather generic and they even said that they could only tell me she was employable (this was after I asked about any concerns or weaknesses they saw in her as a caregiver). I'm not sure if they just didn't know her long enough to rave about her or if the person delivering the reference wasn't enthusiastic about giving a reference. Anyway, another way that her inexperience has become evident is in the way she left Lia's formula out for longer than the allotted time--why didn't she read the formula can?--and in the way she gave her gripe water (natural remedy for baby gas) five times in a day when six times is the max. What if I had wanted to give her some in the evening or night?

Her dishonesty about the roommate, the smoking in the home, and her inexperience with newborns (formula, gripe water) makes me wonder if I made the right choice, but she's very friendly and she's trying her best ... I can tell. She's sweet, and easy to talk to, and her daughter is fun. I can tell she's a good mom, and is of good character. She lets me visit whenever I want, and seems patient. She updates me constantly via text throughout the day, and is flexible about dropping my daughter off at the school where I work. She also seems open to me telling her what I want her to do with Lia. I can send her emails with advice on how to help Lia with any gas or colic she may experience while in her care, and she follows my advice in a good mannered way.

So, should I overlook the fact that someone smokes in the home? I mean, she doesn't smoke, and she's been staying with Lia in her own room with the door shut. I wonder if her fiance smokes. I need to ask her a few things, but I've never been a confrontational person and it makes me nervous to be firm and ask her why she was dishonest about the roommate and smoking. I remember asking her if she smoked, and she doesn't, but she didn't take that opportunity to share that the roommate did. In fact, she talked about her apartment and fiance and daughter and not once did she mention the roommate. Although I'm friendly with her already--to the point of her sharing some intimate anecdotes about her life--I need to remember that I'm not there for friendship ... I'm there for her to care for my daughter, and I need to make sure that my daughter is in a secure environment. But how do I even start that conversation?

I scheduled an appointment to see a daycare near my home in case we decide to move on and find a smoke-free environment where the only people present are the caregivers and not anyone else. But I wonder if Lia is finally getting adjusted and I don't just want to pluck her out of there if she's finally getting used to the environment and the sitter. She had been gassy and colicky for about three days, and has been on a hunger strike otherwise known as reverse cycling (where a breastfed baby fasts during the day--only taking in enough food to take the edge off the hunger--and then nursing throughout the evening and night when with the mother). Also, she's been missing me, so she's been cranky, and fussy throughout the day when with the sitter, but she had a better day yesterday with me on my day off, and it the sitter feels she also had a better day today (especially since I went to breastfeed her midday).

Another thing I wish is that the sitter had age-appropriate toys for her. I don't want to feel like I should drag our entire apartment over to hers. Most established licensed providers have toys and equipment. I constantly have to remind myself that she's just starting out. In fact, I donated a Snugli baby carrier to her growing collection of materials for the day that she finally opens her own day care. I am even letting her keep the baby monitor we got her to listen in on Lia if she ever needs to be away from her for a few minutes (which is rare since her apartment is small and she doesn't care for any other child while caring for Lia).

I just wish I could be home with my baby 24/7. I cherished every moment with her during my six weeks of maternity leave, but it definitely was nowhere near enough time with her.

Now, if you've managed to read to this point ... any thoughts on my sitter situation?

---

2 Comments on Explaining my new Q on the Q&A (long read)


captshelley - Monday, 13 Oct
I would look for a new sitter. You obviously have a bad feeling about this situation even if she really is a great girl. Don't feel bad about it. Smoking is not acceptable to me. 2 grown men that I don't know around my little girl is unacceptable in my book. You have very valid concerns. If you don't find a new sitter for your daughter, who will?

CassandraLee - Saturday, 11 Oct
I stand by my original answer: Get her out of there!!!