22-12-2010 - Got a lot on my mind...

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Well, I've got a lot to write about.

First of all. some of you may not know, but we cancelled our GIFT procedure that we were suppose to do in December because my RE wanted me to do these "infusions" before hand and my insurance company said "no way". No way were they going to approve them. No way were they going to pay for them. So, it was cancelled.

Oct & Nov I was on bc pills to "regulate my period" for the RE office for when they wanted to control my cycle and do the GIFT procedure. Well, since it was cancelled I stopped taking the pill when I started my period.

Now. Friday I had my normally scheduled pap smear scheduled. I went to it. It was fine. I mean. They are not the most pleasant things in the world, but fine. Friday night - I had this huge burst of blood. my period wasn't due til the end of this week. I called the dr. Me & hubby spoke and I decided to go to the ER. Two reasons - one, if I was pregnant - I needed to be on blood thinners RIGHT away and two, I couldn't wait all weekend not knowing the results since my OB just wanted me to go to the lab and then wait til Monday. So, I went into the ER. They did a blood & urine test and both were negative. I was really ok w this. I would have rather be no then yes with negative results. So, I bleed Friday, Sat, Sun off and on. Monday, I started AF. Like, 5 days early. Last night, Tues, I started bleeding really heavy. I filled 5 pads in less than 2 hrs. I called the nurses on call and she told me - "Go back to the ED." So, I did.

Told them my whole life story and then what's been happening since this "routine pap" and she ordered an ultrasound. Well, it seems like I have another fibroid in my uterine wall. I don't know how big it is. But, for those who've known me for awhile. I just got a fibroid (the size of a lemon) removed in Feb 09. It grew when I got pregnant the first time. I've been on a whole bunch of fertility meds this year and I don't know if its increased this other one or not. What I am afraid of is . . . I already have these medical issues that would cause early delivery, miscarriage, pre eclampsia, now... I have to worry about this? If I have to get it removed, that's like 3 C section incisions. My friggen uterus is going to look like a battle zone. Scar tissues can cause infertility. My mind is telling me maybe i need to reconsider this ttc process but my heart is telling me not to give up. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my hubby I feel this way because he will tell me it's time to stop. I know he feels that way anyway. He's just going on with this because of me. Keep me in your prayers ladies. Im not going to be able to get into my OB til Monday morning.

Peace & Love ... and Merry Christmas,

Sam