03-12-2008 - Dakota Jordan Toft - - Due Dec 17, 2008

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

I'm leaving for England in a day and a half and I don't want to leave with out being able to post this for my baby. My baby, Dakota Jordan Toft who was born at 13.2 weeks.

My Dear Dakota,

Not one single day goes by that Mommy doesn't think of you.

Sometimes the emptiness I feel in my heart is too much for me to bare.

When I found out about you I prayed to my God not to allow anything to happen to my baby, you Dakota. I told God I couldn't handle it. And sometimes I don't think he listened to me..... but he made me handle it.... and he helped me handle it......

I waited 9 1/2 years to get pregnant. I don't understand why you were given to me and then you were taken from me, from my arms. Mommy held your fragile little body in her hand. You fit in one hand. I seen your perfectly knit fingers, hands and toes. To me, you were beautiful in every way. You were mine, mine & Daddys.

Dec 17th is fastly approaching and my heart weighs heavy thinking that I could be having you at that time and you're not here with me. I don't know why your little heart stopped inside of me. I will never know.

Mommy is now getting better. I've met wonderful people because of you, Dakota. People on i-am-pregnant and the wonderful people in my SHARE support group who lost their little babies too. Because of your short life, I am a changed person. I see life differently. I no longer want to take anyone for granted. I'm not promised another day with anyone.

Mommy & Daddy will meet up with you again. And then I'll hold you in my arms forever....

Love, Mommy