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17-9-2008 - need prayers

My mood while writing this blog: scared to death

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Ok so I'm sitting here on total bedrest trying to gather my thoughts. Where do I start? So, I go in for my scheduled appointment Monday afternoon so they can measure my cervix and make sure everything is going good still. My docs wanted to check my cervix pretty regularly since they don't know what caused me to lose my angel baby. So I had been going every 2 weeks. Two weeks ago my cervix looked perfect so they told me and everything was looking great. I was feeling a little more relieved as I had past 17 weeks (the week we lost our Joseph Michael).

Anyway, I go in and there was a songram tech and a nurse there to do my vag u/s. As soon as they put the scope in and froze the first picture, they look at each other and the nurse says I think we're done here. The tech says she's going to go get my doctor. The nurse proceeds to slowly take the scope out and ask me if I had been bleeding, getting contractions, pressure or anything like that. So I am FREAKING out!! I tell her some pressure on my lower abdomen but nothing too bad. I told her but when I miscarried last time there was no warnings like that - my water just broke. I am starting to shake and tear up. She tells me that the doctor is going to have to talk to me but what we saw on the u/s was not good. I had a REALLY big funneling of my membranes and my cervix was extremely short (almost non-existent I guess). So she proceeds to tell me to not get up (I'm still laying down from the u/s) and to just try to slide my pants on like that because they don't want my water breaking right there in the office!!! OMG!! I am about to break down at this point!! Two weeks ago everything looked perfect and now......

So the doctor comes in about 15 minutes later and tells me that they are going to admit me to the hospital immediately (my doctor is in the hospital building so they just have to take me upstairs). She said that they are going to have to do an emergency cerlage (cervical stitch) to try to keep my membranes intact and help the baby stay in for as long as they can. She basically said that my water could have broke anytime, if my cervix would have opened (and it looked like it was about to start opening). They couldn't do the cerlage (sp?) that night because they needed to make sure I was not already going into labor and my body was already trying to push the baby out. Because if that was the case then if they put the stitch, it would just tear through my cervix.

So I was there overnight monitoring, they gave me a progesterone shot to stop any contractions I may be having, and had me laying where my head was lower than my feel to try to get the membranes pushed up a little to ease the pressure on my cervix. So immediately my family starts the 3 and a half hour drive to be here. My boyfriend is also freaking out this whole time poor thing! So later that night my doctor comes to tell me that they don't have a slot open for me for the procedure and were just going to have to wait to see if someone cancels or to see if we can get in between people or we'll have to wait til the end of the list (late in the afternoon). So I am of course disappointed, I'm thinking I need this done now!! What if my water breaks before we get in!! But my doctor is good and she kept begging to get in.

So at about 7:30 they come to get me to take me to the OR. Of course I am scared shitless!! I kissed my love bye and he kissed me and his princess and told us to be strong - easier said than done. So they give me a spinal anestesia (sp?) uugghh which I hate it is soo painful. and get me ready and of course have to tell me all the possibilities like they could puncture my membranes while they are trying to put in the stitch. So there I am numb from the waist down, on the operating table, laying with my head lower than my waist, legs up really high in sturrups, waiting for the doctors to prep and stuff, nervous and scared as all hell!! To top it off, I think the medication made me sick so I start throwing up!! but my hands are kinda tied down with this airblanket thing they put over your uper torso, ugh it was aweful. I just keep thinking, I don't care what I go through just please God let my daughter be ok!!

So its over, the doctors said it went good and off to recovery. When I finally get back to my room, my loving, great, wonderful family and love are there! sight for sore eyes and heart! The doctor comes in to tell us the deal - the procedure went well, the positioning they had me in that night actually helped a little and my cervix was closed so they were able to get one stitch in. I'm on pretty strict bedrest until next thursday when I go back to see the doc for a check up on this, and they will discuss if any more activity could be added. But he said because it was such a sudden thing and my cervix was in such bad shape that I probably will be on some kind of bedrest for the remainder of my pregancy. I was a little worried because he said the typically women in my situation will last about 6-8 weeks with the stitch - well I did my calculations and that is a really short time and we need her to be in there as long as possible so she can survive when she is born!! I am soo scared for our little princess. I am just praying and hoping that everything will be ok.

So its a double edged sword for me, on one hand this is the explanation of why we lost our son last time and on the other hand, this is my fault. I know I didn't do anything to cause this but my cervix is incompetent and it is a horrible feeing to know that my stupid body is the reason why my baby boy didn't have a chance at life and why I could lose my daughter!! I'm glad we found out what the problem is so IF I decide to have more children we can be more precautious and take steps earlier to help the situation. But, I'm so disappointed in my body. There is no worse feeling in the world than to know that your babies are healthy and happy growing inside you waiting for their chance at life and your body is sabatoging it all!!! Pretty depressing, scary, nerve wracking, sad, frustrating, emotional, trying time.....

Well, we are dealing with it the best we can, I am doing my part in being bedridden, and my love and my mom are doing their part in helping take care of my helpless self, and my extended family and friends are doing their part by offering support and prayers. Please let our daughter make it!!

SO I ask you friends, please say a prayer for us, send us a positive thought, or whatever you can. We greatly appreciate all the intercession we can get. Thank you for "listening" and I hope and pray that all your pregnancies are going well!!

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29 Comments on need prayers


.:Mama:. - Wednesday, 1 Oct
I'm sorry for your struggle..hang in there..wish you the best<3

chips - Tuesday, 23 Sep
Dear sweetie! I just read your blog! my heart ached for you sweetheart!..............It is not your fault sweetie!..............Our bodies sometimes we can not control......all we can do is try to take care of ourselves the best we can!..................I am so happy that they found our what was wrong and have fixed it, My cousin had the same problem as you......she also lost her first baby !.........but she had a wonderful baby boy later on, she also had a stitch.............and had to have lots of bedrest...........so just stay happy,positive and rest and make your bf..........do all the chores and you will be fine!
I will pray for you sweetie and your beautiful baby daughter!
I do not seem to get your blogs! .........but I will keep checking in on you!
GODBLESS
lots of love!

MovingForward - Monday, 22 Sep
I am so sorry to hear about all this. I know how you feel, and it's hard not to blame yourself. I had a perfectly healthy baby girl and because I got an infection her life had to end. My baby girl will ALWAYS be in my thoughts and now I know for this pregnancy how to keep my little boy healthy and happy. I am 30 weeks this week and I know you will make it long enough to have your little girl healthy and happy :)

Lucas-N-Kaidence - Sunday, 21 Sep
awe girl, i hate how anyone has to go through this kind of thing... One of my girlfriends had her first child at 5 months, she passed within 2 hours, and had a boy at 31 weeks who is still alive and doing well, THEN got the stitch for her 2nd boy because of her incomitant cervix and when they took it out she still made it to term! I hope all the best for you!!! Ill be praying for you

xoxoxo

EmilyorMLE - Sunday, 21 Sep
Oh wow, I am so sorry! I'm sending all my positive thoughts your way!

amynchris - Saturday, 20 Sep
I am so sorry to hear about everything that you have been going through. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers!

mommy to boys - Friday, 19 Sep
I will say a prayer for you and your daughter. I hope all works out well and you have a safe arrival of your daughter. please don't beat yourself up, it is not your fault about your son or daughter... I am glad they found this problem before it was too late for her. Please take care of yourself and stay on that bedrest

TanyaT - Friday, 19 Sep
OMG....I am so sorry for what you are going through! I hope everything is gonna be ok!! I will say prayers for you and think of you. Just keep doing what you are doing...keep us posted on how you and the baby are doing!!!

Michimee - Thursday, 18 Sep
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I'm praying that your daughter continues to grow and remain healthy.

armybratonboard - Thursday, 18 Sep
Well just keep positive and it will all work out for you guys I JUST KNOW IT!!!! but i will keep you and you beautiful baby girl in my thoughts and prayers.

2nd baby - Thursday, 18 Sep
aaww
you and your daughter are in my thoughts!
im sorry that you are having to go through this- it is def not fair!
like you said just do your part and stay on bed rest!
we are all here for you! anytime you want to talk!


katyp1986 - Thursday, 18 Sep
I am so so sorry you are going thru something like this again!!!! Myself and family are praying for you hun. I wish you all the luck in the world x

J9 - Thursday, 18 Sep
that is so scary.. I'm so sorry you are going though this but thank goodness it was all discovered on time.. I think your little angel was watching over you. You are in my prayers.. take it really really easy. I pray all will be well... xoxoxo

natty1982 - Thursday, 18 Sep
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I will pray and pray and pray. You and your daughter are in my heart and thoughts. I wish you the best.

firsttimer - Thursday, 18 Sep
Oh first, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Just you lie in that bed girl and don't move. (oh and cross your legs too, just in case that helps!). No seriously, I am thinking of you and really hope that the situation with your cervix continues to improve and you can hang on as long as possible. Thinking of you x

liquidxx - Thursday, 18 Sep
=( I'm not one to type up a big comment but Good luck Love i have a good feeling about this baby for you... i mean there is a reason why this stuff was found out before it was too late.... so thats good.

shelybelly - Thursday, 18 Sep
Okay so I am in tears reading your blog! I am so sorry that all happen. Please know that God made you perfect in his eyes, everything that you go through is to make you stronger and help others....He has givin you this little girl and wants you to leave it in his hands not your own! Have Faith he is real!!!!!! You will definatly be in my prayers!!!!!!

Aliwitbaby - Thursday, 18 Sep
hey I just saw your post on 19 weeks. Just wanted you to know I just said a prayer for you. Thank GOD you found out in time and were able to do all that you can do. Blessings.
Alisha

2angelbabies - Thursday, 18 Sep
Hi, I just read your story I am glad they caught it in time. I am sorry you had to go through that. I know how you feel about it being our fault that we lose our babies. Still to this day I feel the same I lost two babies from IC and knowning they were healthly makes me sad but I have to remind myself that I can't help it. I belive in pray and everything will be ok. There is another mom on here that went through the same thing as you and they told her she would delivery early and she carried to 37 weeks baby was born healthy and full term. So prove to those doctors they are wrong. Don't let your body get depress be strong. I fully believe that is why I carried my twins to 25 weeks after losing their triplet brother at 18 prayer and being strong. Just remind the doctors at 24 weeks you want the steroid shots. Well, keep me updated and you and your princess will be in my prayers.

legomyprego - Thursday, 18 Sep
wow. your blog has me in tears!!! I feel for you and your little one and i will pray as much as I can that you make it through and have a healthy baby girl!!! I know I can't do much here, but pray, but if you need anything at allllll just please let me know! I am glad they were able to get you in a stitch you up..so we have a plus! You're right, atleast they caught the problem before your water broke again! Keep your head up girl! Everything will be okay! BIG HUG!!

cherbearsk - Thursday, 18 Sep
That is so awful! I'm glad they were able to get the stitch in for you! You will be in my prayers everyday! Good luck to you and your family!

LizDW - Thursday, 18 Sep
Wishing you lots of luck!!!

*Mommy*to*a*Miracle* - Thursday, 18 Sep
im so sorry to hear your having a tough time! thankfully you caught it early and everything should be ok from now on! bedrest sounds yucky but its all worth it for your little girl. your in my thoughts! :o)

jacesmommy4606@yahoo.com - Thursday, 18 Sep
you will be in my prayers..

taelynnzmommy - Thursday, 18 Sep
i'll be praying for you and ur precious daughter. Ive heard alot of miracle stories with the cervical stitching! you deserve this baby so much and god will take care of u sweetie. im assuming u may have an incompetent cervix? i had that my 1st pregnancy and they told me if they would of did a cerlage they could of saved my baby.. which made me feel worse than ever! just try too take it easy and pray for u and ur precious baby girl!! good luck and ill keep u in my prayers!

angie020709 - Thursday, 18 Sep
I'm sooooo sorry sweetie....just try to keep that little girl in for as long as you can...we will pray for you and your family..god bless....

Trisha909 - Thursday, 18 Sep
Im a firm believer in that things are sent to try us. Your little one is clearly a fighter and she refuses to give in to this one. Im so glad that they caught it soon enough for you to put the stitch in. This is such a well known procedure here and has many more successes than anything so the odds are truly in your favour. My fingers are crossed for you both and keep resting!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Noahsmama - Thursday, 18 Sep
Your in my familes prayers. We wish you all the luck that everything turns out and you will hold your beautiful daughter in your arms and be able to enjoy every moment of begin a parent.And befroe you know it all of this will be just a bad memory. Baby DUST .

cjh3 - Thursday, 18 Sep
i will say prayers for you and your little girl. I know that this is scary for you and you are upset with your body - but try to look on the positive side - at least you were at the doctor's office when this was discovered. There is a reason for that happening. There is a reason why you were there and this was discovered. You could have easily had your appt two days later and maybe your water would have broken again. So listen to your doctor and let your family do EVERYTHING for. It's not worth the risk. seriously - dont get up to do ANYTHING. best of luck to you - will be thinking of you.