21-6-2009 - Slight rant.....

My mood while writing this blog: I\'m mad!

I'm going to try to keep this short, but forgive me if I get on my 'high horse'.

On Friday some of you will be aware that I had an early scan which showed me as 5w,3d. I also had bloods taken and my HCG came back as 7000. I've to have another one today, 48 hours later to check what's happening. The nurse said that she would have to check me for an ectopic pregnancy as she could see nothing other than a gestational sac, and she said that PROCEDURALY she had to check there wasn't a second sac somewhere else. So that was all fine at that point, because she told me she had not expected to see much more than what she had at that point, and the ectopic thingy was normal procedure. I went away reasonably calm, and a bit happier than I've been over the last two weeks.

Then she phoned later. She said that my HCG was 7000 and it was high. Now she was concerned because I have previously had a molar pregnancy. I spoke to her about this, and my doubts that 7000 would indicate a molar because my understanding is that a molar gets way, way out of control, and your numbers can end up in the 100,000's very quickly. I'm not fearing a molar, I have to add. At this point in time, I would at least know what I was dealing with if this pregnancy turns out to be molar. I asked her if this result discounted an ectopic and she said it didn't.

Anyway, the point of this blog is that since then, I have remembered that she mentioned that she still suspected an ectopic because of my bleeding and my pain. At the time, I simply said to her but I'm not bleeding and I'm not in pain. She said 'oh, I thought you were bleeding'? I explained (again) that I had had slight brown CM type stuff starting on 7th June, ending on 11th June. At no time did I need a pad, and at no time was that bleeding red. I am NOT in pain. I have slight crampy feelings from time to time, but isn't that normal for a growing pregnancy? She said that she would still like me to come in today, for another blood test. I'm fine with that. What I am not fine with now that I have calmed down a bit is that they mentioned this ectopic thing.

Now this pregnancy may turn out to be an ectopic. And what will be, will be. That's fine. But..... where do they get off giving this information out, willy nilly, when they have no proof whatsoever. Honestly, the night I had on Friday would have driven a crazy person crazy. I was going down south yesterday, Saturday, to pick up our new van and I was seriously thinking about cancelling the trip because of what she said. I started to imagine my tube rupturing on the train and me dying. Seriously. As it is, my more sensible husband would not allow that. He made me look at my 'symptoms', which are incidently, increasing morning sickness for the first time in three pregnancies (yayyy!). My sore boobs, my crampy belly, no bleeding and definitely no pain. So we went, and I'm glad I did. We had a great wee trip to Manchester, down on the train, and back in our new van. Eating rubbish, and listening to our Ipod at full blast. It was lovely. (and I didn't die of a ruptured tube).

So today will give some answers I think. I'm hoping that my HCG will have doubled and that they will review what they have told me and that somewhere in this miserable life of mine, a nurse will say Congratulations Jan, you are pregnant!!! Not, oh we think you might have this, or that.......

But if they don't then they don't. I honestly don't care at this point. I'm just fed up getting mucked about. If I am to have a baby, I will. If not, then so be it. As I have told lots of you, this is the last time I will be pregnant. I am not trying again. I cannot handle the difficulty it brings into my life. If my husband and I have to spend the rest of our lives surrounded by our nieces and nephews who we love to pieces (but can send home at the end of the day), then that's what we will do. (oh and we will book a holiday, that's a definite). So bring on lunchtime and my blood test, and hopefully by the end of today, or at the latest tomorrow someone might be able to tell me what the hell is happening.

Thanks for listening. I really do appreciate all of your support.

PS, hope you are all having a lovely weekend.