03-7-2008 - Week 16

My mood while writing this blog: excited

Well I am now in week sixteen. It has been a while since I last updated my blog. So much has happened in the last six weeks. But one thing remains the same – I still haven’t told my parents. Ahhhhh! I know I should have done it ages ago but it seems like I am always waiting for the right time. Fingers crossed tonight I get it over and done with. 24 years of age and I am still scared witless of disappointing my mum and dad. I guess that is something that you never grow out of.

Speaking of growing – OMG! My belly. It is getting huge. I am so happy to be in my second trimester and showing. My clothes are getting tight. I think it’s high time I got a few pairs of maternity trousers. My belly seems to be growing at a phenomenal rate. At one stage over the period of an hour I was sure my belly got a bit bigger. My tummy is also starting to get firmer. Very exciting.

About two or three weeks ago I got a kidney infection and it was causing me to feel violently sick and I wasn’t eating because of it. I went to the doctors and found out that I actually had E.Coli in my urine and that’s probably what was causing it. I must admit I was very worried about the health of the baby but I had a scan yesterday and all is fine. Baby is doing well and has a nice strong heartbeat. Even the doctor had to laugh – the little buggar was lying back with its arms behind its head and feet up as if he or she was sunning his/herself in a hammock. It takes afters its dad alright. We brought the pics home and showed them to Chris’s parents I didn’t think it was possible but his dad is more excited about this baby than we are. He had a small heart attack in December and since them has been suffering with depression. The idea of a baby joining the family this Christmas seems to have perked him up no end. He is helping us pick baby names and talking about room colours and generally getting excited. He is even offering to take the baby anytime we need a holiday or night out.

Thinking of which since I last updated my blog I have been away on two short holidays. The first was a trip back to my home county of Devon in west England. It’s been about 5 years since I was home so the trip was really great. Got to see and do everything I wanted to and in the few days I was there, we crammed a lot in. I met up with lots of family friends who I haven’t seen in a long, long time. I had hoped to tell them the news but as I haven’t told my own parents that was out of the question. I did however buy my very first Item of baby clothes over there. I found the cutest baby grows – they are white and black stripped, like a Minnie convict suite. We decided that it will be babies first outfit (for when he or she breaks free).

The trip over was my first time bringing a boyfriend home to Devon so it was a somewhat momentous occasion. I have had two other long term partners both of which I had hoped to bring over to Devon but it never happened, as a result my ma’am always joked that the man I finally manage to bring over there will be the one I marry. (I am glad it was Chris that finally came with me).

Speaking about marriage and ex boyfriends – I found out the day before yesterday that my ex partner who I was with for almost three years and living with was due to get married the next day to some girl that he has been with for less than a year. This is the same man who bought a ring, asked me to marry him and then refused to announce the engagement to anyone. I must admit that the news came as a big shock but what was more shocking to me was how little it bothered me. This is a man who at one stage I thought I would never stop loving. If it wasn’t for Chris I would probably still be pining after him but now, now…. well I wont say that I regret being with Steve cause we had some good times together and I learned some very valuable lessons but still all in all I count him the worst thing to have ever entered my life. It’s hard to explain the kind of man he is. He is an absolutely brilliant guy, white, good looking, intelligent, deep, hard work and caring. But he has a streak of selfishness that runs right down the length of him, in fact his whole family has it. They all have a very askew notion of right and wrong when it comes to how you treat your partner. Steve in his ever-long quest to better himself put everyone and everything ahead of me. He dedicated all his time to the people who treated him the worst and walked over the few people in his life that were there for him. Possible the worst aspect of his character was that he had a way of twisting a situation around to make me look and feel like the bad one. If I asked him to spend some time with me I was smothering him or being a nag, when I gave out to him for spending our rent money on a new suite for his grandfathers funeral he accused me of putting material expenses above the memory of a beloved family member. At the time we were broke and I had only buried my uncle 3 weeks previous and had worn broken shoes to the funeral as we couldn’t afford new one. That is just two examples of the many complaints I have about him.

Anyway enough ranting about the past. This site is about the future and that is exactly what I am looking forward to. A future with a beautiful baby and a partner that knows the true meaning of respect. A life with a man who may have many flaws but none so grave as to temper his character (and moreover, none that I can’t work on changing).

I am just back from holidays from a holiday in Belgium with that very same man. The two of us and two of his friends went to a three-day metal festival. Great music and great fun but it really took it out of me. The travelling was really hard. We had a six-hour wait in the airport for our flight home and it was the middle of the night so there was nothing to do but try to catch a few zzzzz’s. But apart from that I had a great time. I did a bit of shopping while I was over there, there was a market selling baby metal t-shirts so my little one now owns a formidable collection of iron maiden and slayer t-shirts and the likes. All in all the trip was one of the best laughs I have had in a long, long time.

Anyway now that you are all up to date I think I best be going. I have plenty of work to be doing. Hopefully I wont allow so much time to lapse before I get around to updating this site again. And hopefully the next time I write to my blog it will be with news that I have told my parents and that it all went much better than expected.

Fingers crossed.