girlinterrupted's I-am-pregnantblog

girlinterrupted
girlinterrupted has 21 days to go and is now in week 37
	Age: 37 Country: UK Province/region: Northamptonshire City: Corby Partner: Mark Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 09 Mar ,2012 Occupation: SAHM
	Online: 4 days ago. Last updated: 527 days ago. Member since: 1352 days
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30-9-2009 - Moving on, hopefully!

My mood while writing this blog:
Optimistic

Hi Ladies, hope everyone is doing ok.

Well on monday I had my 2nd round of surgery in 3 weeks. This time they didn't do a D&C, they did a Hysteroscopy instead. This means that they actually had a look inside my uterus to see what had got left behind, there was still some placental tissue so they removed it with polyp forceps and hopefully now the bleeding will stop soon. On friday I will have been bleeding for 8 weeks!!

I really hope it will be over soon so I can start to move on. I will always miss Finley and for a while yet he will be the only thing I think about but I'm hoping that the pain will ease a bit and my heart will start to mend. This has been so much harder to deal with than my 2 miscarriages, I guess because I felt him moving and kicking and because I had to give birth to him. I will never forget holding my angel in my arms and I hope he can forgive me for what I had to do. Next wednesday (7th) it will be 2 months since I gave birth and also Finleys funeral. I am dreading this day so much, I'm not sure how I am going to get through it. I am not religious so we have chosen 3 poems and a beautiful song to be played at the end. We have decided to keep his ashes, there may not be any for us to keep as he was born so early but if there are any we are going to get a little charm to go on my necklace that can hold ashes. Some may find that a bit eerie but this way he will always be with me.

I had a dream last night about a beautiful baby boy with lots of brown hair and big blue eyes, he looked happy.....

Love Jayne xx

5 Comments on Moving on, hopefully!

beckybear - Thursday, 1 Oct
I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you, but it sounds like you have a fantastic attitude and I love the idea of carrying Finley around with you wherever you go. {hugs}

mrsw - Wednesday, 30 Sep
Thinking of you :o(

dtphillips - Wednesday, 30 Sep
Im sure after the funeral you will start to feel better and the healing will begin. It must have been so hard for you to make your decision. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

firsttimer - Wednesday, 30 Sep
Hiya Jayne, let's hope you finally get some respite from the bleeding you have been enduring. A constant reminder everyday is not helping I imagine. I'm glad you will finally have Finley's funeral, and whilst it will be hard for you and your partner, it will help I'm sure. I love the idea of the charm with his ashes in. He will always be with you emotionallly, and also physically now. It's a lovely idea. I agree that this must be so much worse than the miscarriages. I now have movement too, and you were right, it makes this baby seem so real now. We never had that with the mc's, and they were hard enough to bear. Today in work they were talking about a baby that would have been the same age as my first. They were talking about his first birthday, and it occcurred to me that if my first pregnancy had been successful, then my baby's first birthday would be next week sometime. Baby was due on my husband's birthday. This is the reality of our angel babies. I will be thinking about you on Wednesday and wishing you strength to get through the day. xx

butterfly-angel - Wednesday, 30 Sep
Oh Jayne - I will be thinking of you next week..wishing I could be there for you... The funeral is going to be beautiful and so touching...~Big hugs hun~

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