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17-8-2008 - Home induction methods that do NOT work; an anecdotal review...

My mood while writing this blog: Eh...

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Going to your 10 year high school reunion a week before you're due.
1 evening primrose oil capsule nightly.
1 evening primrose oil capsule nightly: one for your tummy, one for the lady bits.
4 EPO nightly, 2 for tummy and 2 for lady bits... and 1 orally in the morning.
Copious amounts of husbandly love.
Copious amounts of self-love.
Nipple stimulation.
Going frisbee golfing.
Bouncing on a birth ball for several hours.
Not drinking enough water.
Drinking a ton of water.
Eating super spicy mexican food. (The woman at the table next to us... well, her water broke. i'm so pregnant i send other women into labor).
Eggplant parmesana.
Other italian dishes, all made with 3x too much oregano.
Fresh pineapple for dinner.
Having well-intentioned people ask daily, "No baby?" (Yes, in fact. We just decided not to tell you). Or better yet, the guy at work who approaches EVERY morning and simply states, "Still here." (No, apparititon... fooled ya!)
Deciding what day the kid will be born (08.16.08).
Timing Braxton-Hicks contractions (just ruins your hopes).
Having your husband tell you he doesn't want to go to work on Monday... 3 weeks in a row.
Your husband whispering sweetly to to the kid "Come out."
Your husband growling under his breath, "GET OUT!"
Stripping your membranes.
Strip dancing.
Buying nursing bras.
Doing the "one last trip to the grocery store."
Dancing like a big goofball to 70's music.
Having doctor poke the kid in the head... accidentally... twice. Just made him go back up into me!
Thunderstorms.
The Dark Knight.
Having a small white dog pounce on your stomach.
Having a small white dog gingerly lick your stomach (penance?).
Having your sister tell you when NOT to have the kid.
Having your brother-in-law tell you when NOT to have the kid.
Setting up doctor's appiontments you're sure you'll have to cancel.
Feeling that "Today just isn't the day."
Starting a big new project at work 1 week overdue.
(HASN'T this kid heard of reverse-psychology??)
Having your mother-in-law ask, "No baby yet?"
Telling your doula, "We have a feeling he'll be born this week."
Having your doula say that it'd be awesome for him to be born on her birthday... last Saturday.
Nesting.
Letting the house become a sty.
Sleeping 14 hours in one day. Pretty much each weekend for the past 3!
Having your doctor tell you, "Really didn't think YOU'D go over."
Having your doctor say, "Probably won't see you next week."
Visualizing an opening rose, w/ babe's head at the center.
Relaxation techniques.
Baths... baths... baths...
Going for 3 mile walks without a cell phone... woooo.
Chasing your dog around the house like an idiot. Or chasing your birds around the house like a lunatic...
Deciding for the first time ever to clean the birdcage by yanking everything out of it and pressure-washing it in a tube-top out on the driveway while your neighbors look on in pity.
Getting jealous of your female bird's 5 eggs and pitching them.
Biting off your very tolerant, supportive husband's head, spitting it out, and stomping on it.
Telling the kid that you've got some amazing milk if only he'll come out.


Things that we haven't tried and aren't likely to:
Grabbing the kid by his hair and pulling him out.
Medical induction.
Gymnastics.
ice water immersion.
Castor Oil.
Blue or black cohosh.
Blaming the kid/ getting mad at the kid.
Crying.

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3 Comments on Home induction methods that do NOT work; an anecdotal review...


*Estrella* - Wednesday, 20 Aug
LMAO!!!!!!!!

meecob - Monday, 18 Aug
so....no baby yet huh? ahahahahahaha -just kidding...

try having hubby rub your feet - if you have not done this yet...I may have been laughing too hard at some of your attempts and may have missed it...according to reflexology, there are pressure points associated with your uterus on each side of your ankle - good luck!

jennifaye - Monday, 18 Aug
Wow, a lot of those sure made me laugh as I have the same experiences with nothing working! Are these babies ever going to come out??!!!