10-6-2009 - more than one

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Recently, I've pondered whether to have another baby or not. My dh said no, so the thought of having a second child remained inside me. I'm Ada's only playmate, really. I was thinking that I can't show her how to be a kid. Sure, we play, but she needs kids her age or close in age to teach her imagination and silly songs and hand clapping games and jump rope. We will go to church and things like that, but she needs more. We live in a rural area, and there are no female children her age with whom to play. When I was growing up, I had cousins nearby, and we lived in neighborhoods, so there were tons of children on the same street or at least a block or two over. We rode bikes and played red rover and kickball and mother, may I and cops and robbers and cowboys and indians and all sorts of games.

Then again, I don't want to deprive Ada of all the things she can have if it is just her, such as gymnastics lessons. But then again, playing is probably more important in developing her physical, social, and intellectual abilities than different lessons. Plus, I don't want two siblings fighting, and the future is a complete unknown. Who can say for sure that the two would get along? Who can say for sure the next child would be a girl? Who can say for sure that the next child will have a different temperament?

Anyway, there was a poll last week about only children. If memory serves me correctly, the mothers who were only children all wished they had another sibling. So, that made me think even more about Ada's needing a sibling.

Last night, dh and I were talking about the steps, and how we'd like to play kick ball at night with them and frisbee and invite their friends over for a bonfire (dh is in the tree business, so we have bonfires weekly). Then, we realized they don't have many friends and that we'd have to create some friends enough to get some games going. He and I reminisced about our childhoods.

Later, I said, "Poor Ada. She will miss out on all that stuff." Then, dh said, "Do you want another baby?" I asked, "Where does that question come from? I was just making a statement." He persisted, and I kept trying to figure out why he was asking me that and what his thoughts were before making my wishes known. He, finally, announced that he would like another baby. I was flabbergasted because before he was adamant about no more children. He asked me how many I would like, and I said that I'd like at least three if not four, including Ada, because that makes life happier and the get togethers and holidays are blasts. The more the merrier. He didn't exactly comment on that, but he would like a boy though he didn't say that directly.

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On another note, dh has been taking his son with him to work. There are several benefits:

1. The child exercises his body instead of just sitting around all day playing video games.

2. The child observes his dad and learns how to do things.

3. Bonding. That's how men bond.

4. Scott reported last night that ss's attitude of "I can't" has nearly faded away. There are far fewer "I can't"s.

5. Scott realized something I've been telling him for four years. Duh! SS doesn't think! He is lazy and doesn't use his brain. So, now, ss's brain is arousing from the coma it's been in. Literally, when I met these children, they did not think for themselves. They were told nearly every thing to do: go to bed, wake up, put on clothes, eat, and I mean in specific steps. Put your arm through the shirt hole. Pull the bag directly up out of the trash can. Bring the ends together and tie them in a knot. Replace the bag. Take the garbage outside. I'm not exaggerating. Nearly all the steps daily had to be told to these kids. SD is better with her thinking than the boy, but why think when someone else does it for you. Now, dh is allowing the boy to do things and mess up. The child is realizing his own mistakes and correcting them himself instead of someone telling him how he messed up and how to fix it. So,

6. SS's confidence and self-esteem is going up, up, up.

7. Scott is learning how to let go of control and relax.