10-7-2009 - Tyler is 3 weeks and 5 days

My mood while writing this blog: content

Ok I have not been on here in a while b/c I have been going through some very hard things in my life. After I had my baby without my family here, My husband was there but spent the whole time texting his friends. He was helpful but after we got home from the hospital -the first week he went out several nights and didn't even come home. It was very hurtful, It didn't bother me that he left me alone with three kids and our newborn baby it just bothered me that he didn't even try to be considerate. So I called the lawyer and told her the divorce that is on hold, that I wanted to go ahead and finalize it, I typed up a decree and Will gave me his opinions about it, I made the changes he wanted me to make and then gave it to Kathy. We still live together and it is horrible! I stay on one side of the house and he stays in the living room. I just cant wait for it to be over, There is alot of other stuff I cant go into details but he tried in several ways to ruin my life and I need you prayers that he doesn't do this. It's all got me so depressed along with hormone changes and everything it is enough to make any woman depressed even if she didn't just have a baby. My Baby and kids are my light though. They make me so happy. I love taking care of the baby he is so beautiful. My husband has helped out more lately too, he is doing the last feeding of the night and that is so helpful! I can sleep a little more. It is going to be hard when he leaves after the divorce. But I would rather it be that way than to have the added stress of my husband cheating on me just after having a baby. He can go live with the other woman and things would be better off. The other day he tried to get me to have sex with him! I'm thinking Not in a million years!!! See I've known my husband was cheating when I was huge and pregnant a few months back, So I stopped being with him months ago and told him that's the end of that!!

Anyway, I have to go back to work next week! That makes me so sad. Tyler will only be 4 1/2 weeks old. He is so adorable!! He smiles after he eats and he has been a cooing baby ever since birth. Eveyone loves his sounds. He is a very noisy infant. He has blue eyes, which is very cool if you look at one of my older blogs from November or something I had a dream that he had blue eyes while I was pregnant with him and I have green eyes and his dad has brown so I think it is so neat that he came out with these different eyes. I breastfeed in the evening mainly and My milk supply has kept up with this plan. On the 4th of July I was out until MN and did get engorged b/c I fed him a bottle since I was in a very crowded park but other than that it has worked out great. At first he wanted to breast feed on me all night long until he realized this is only happening at night I guess he got use to it so I make enough milk for am 8pm feeding if Will doesn't feed him, a midnight feeding and a 3 or 4 am feeding, also sometimes I'll feed him at 8 am. But I'm not sure if I will when work starts back up b/c I may just let the sitter do that feeding. But I havn't become engorged during the day. I formula feed during the day and had to do this rather than pump since I wont be able to pump when I return to work - I f I did this now my body would produce that milk during my work hours and I would surely get engorged during the day. So that's why I only feed in the evening. The only thing with Tyler that I'm a little concerned with right now is his darn umbilical cord.. It is now a tiny nub and at the base under the skin the hospital didn't get the dye on all of is and it is moist but you cant see it unless you pull the dry part back I clean it with alcohol but since the surrounding skin covers it it isn't drying out! So he's got a little numb for an umbilical cord that hasn't fallen off yet. I know it will eventually I mean no one keeps that thing forever just wish is would hurry b/c the sitter doesn't need to have to take care of that and I don't want him to get an infection or something. It doesn't look infected though.

Well, I have soo much stuff to do around here, and the faster I get it done the more likely I am to have time for myself. I would like to tan today and take the baby for a 2 mile power walk in his stroller and listen to some Bob Marley. I read that 60 minutes of exercise is just as strong as the most powerful antidepressant and I think that is true. Last night Will watched the baby and kids so I could go out for a change which was so awesome I went out and had a margarita and nachos at a local restaurant with a girlfriend and we laughed and talked for 3 hours! I haven't drank anything in over a year. That was so fun, I needed that, It really took the stress away! I should plan to have a margarita like once a month with friends! - It really helps when you are going through the stresses and pain of a divorce. Well Ty-bot is crackling so I will go now, I hope everyone is doing well, I don't hear from you ladies that much anymore b/c everyone is so busy with their new babies!! Hope all is well.