26-7-2009 - yucky and ugly

My mood while writing this blog: disgusted and depressed

so i have really started to put on the baby weight the last couple weeks. i understand this is normal and whatever i get it! but i am soooo not used to being this big this early on. i look like im 30 weeks pregnant even tho ive only gained 2 pounds. i hate walking past mirrors and i hate telling people how far along i am. i feel so ugly and i can only imagine how much worse it will get. and what if i still look like i was pregnant even after i have it :( not that i had this great body before but i dont want to be completely different, with my first 2 i looked exactly the same about a week after they were born and i am really feeling the need to keep up that crazy image. i dont know why but i feel its expected of me. i must be emotional and hormonal, this isnt cool. i just need to get it out, i think sometimes it helps to cry about things we cant change.