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14-6-2012 - Wondering

My mood while writing this blog: Sad

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Today is my due date. Instead of holding a newborn, I'm left wondering. I wonder what your name would have been, I wonder if you would have looked like your sister, I wonder how your big sister would have reacted to meeting you for the first time (I have a feeling she would have said, "my baby, me hold"), I wonder what your personality would have been like. The list could go on and on. I know things happen for a reason and God has a plan for me, though it's hard to see what that is or even could be. I thought the hurt from the loss would get easier, but instead it seems to be getting harder and harder. I'm so worn out from pretending to be happy all the time and living life like nothing happened. The only time I don't feel sad is when I'm spending time with my daughter. Thankfully, I'll have most of the summer off to enjoy time with her.

I know I'll have eternity with the daughter I lost, which gives me comfort. I know she is being cared for by her grandparents and is playing with her baby cousin in heaven. Until we meet again, I'll be thinking of you and missing you everyday.

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2 Comments on Wondering


alicia-n-baby - Thursday, 14 Jun
((HUGS)) I can’t imagine what you are feeling during this time. I hope time heals your pain. I am sure your little angel is looking down and watching over you and your family!

lil.pigz - Thursday, 14 Jun
((hugs)) I went through the same emotions on my due date too and even before and after still:( It killed me to look at my now 2yo, because she is who I kept associating my angel daughter with because she was the baby of the family at the time of the loss. Someone said before that with a loss like this..we never get OVER it, just through it. I believe it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my daughter, and I am even 29 weeks along with another pregnancy. Although it has kept me pretty occupied, it did not make what happened with her any less of a constant memory. They will always and forever be a part of our lives, even if not with us physically♥

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