27-12-2009 - days away and i dont know if i\'m ready for this

My mood while writing this blog: anxious again

So the twins and us are now 36 weeks and 5 days along. Tomorrow we have our last ultrasound scheduled (which we thought we'd never get to), and Tuesday is HOPEFULLY our last doctors appointment. I'm all packed for the hospital and ready to go at any moment.. but it seems my body is going to hang on till the last moment anyhow. I am so curious if when i go to the ultrasound tomorrow if they can see my cervix being short and open, and if they'll send us to the doctor/hospital right away. Then I wonder if/when I go to my doctor on Tuesday if shes going to be willing to induce us at 37 weeks, seeing as we've never seen this woman before. Or, upon examination will she see that i've progressed from 2cm (from last week) to 4cm, and send me directly to the hospital. I'm so full of questions and overwhelmed with uncertainty. Are we days away, or will it still be another week? I am certain to not be going past 38 weeks, as that is standard for twins, and my real OB will be back by then. Ugh.. and if they are born in the next few days, I feel so scared now. Will it hurt? I dont wanna push babies outta my vajayjay.. can I choose if I get a c-section? I would have asked the doctors sooner about these things, but I wasnt scared before now. Then when the babies get here, will I be able to handle being a new mom? I'm afraid i'm going to be totally unstable emotionally, and stressed with crying babies, and overwhelmed with our two sets of broken families and all our friends to manage as well. I know i'm rambling.. sorry. I just had to get some things off my chest. I'm anxious.

Thanks for reading

Hugs

D