Whilst I was completely out of it DS was born struggling and spent his first 5 days on a vent and a solution IV drip and had his first blood transfusion for anaemia - 10 mls over 3 hours. I feel terrible for missing it all. Im absolutely devastated i wasn’t there to support and bond with him. The first day I saw him, well it was a good job i was in a wheelchair as I was so shocked and scared at how tiny he was. He has wires, tubes and bandages all over, a blood pressure monitor, pulse monitor, breathing blood oxygen monitors, temperature monitor, main IV line for fluids, iv for blood tests, iv for morphine and caffeine. He has to wear a band to protect his eyes and ears as being so young anything too loud or bright will permanently damage his sight and hearing. My poor babi is all bruised up from the tubes, but it does not stop him from being the cutest baby in the world.

Day 6 he managed CPAP (this is the next step down from the vent, it blows a constant pressure into his lungs to stop them collapsing and make it easier to breathe). He has RDS (respiratory distress syndrome) so his lungs stick closed without this help. He also tried my breast milk. Day 7 it didnt go so good and he only had 3ml. His digestive system is just too immature to take the milk quite yet, and on day 8 he was back on the IV TPN. He is also on medication to stabilise his blood pressure and sugar levels. By the end of week Giaan dropped another 2oz. I keep thinking about what would have been, but i know this wont help either of us.....