17-7-2009 - Due Day

My mood while writing this blog: anticipating/nervious/mix

Hello Ladies, well it is almost 5am and today is the day I get to meet the little one. It seems a long time in coming. I slept about a hour and 1/2 last nite before I was up again in the bathroom and never was able to close my eyes again. So I started doing some things around house.

I must admit I have been grouchy most of yesterday or I should say moody and especailly to my youngest son who for some reason this pregnancy irked my nerves for the smallest reason. So many things on my mind and I could not get comfortable mentally. To begin with I have not heard from BD since the 4th. I did send him an email since when I finally tried his phone it said customer not able to receive calls at this time. That was sent on Wed and no reply back. Then my youngest was at my house and it seems he was moving too slow for me doing the things I was asking him to do around house. To him he had all day to me I had till today to get it straight. My oldest son came to pick up my granddaughter and tells me he is working early today so cant take me to hospital and that was the last straw. I went off, told both sons dont worry about it I will drive myself and from this point on they were on their own. Not to ask me to babysit or for a piece of gum.

I just became frustrated with the whole male species then and there. I told myself that with this one I know that I will rear him different than the first two in many ways. As I said I was all over the place. I know it is fear of the unknown and of doing this alone again. I went to hospital 20 + yrs ago with the first two and never thought I would again. So for my son to say he had to work drove me over the roof. His father said same thing 24 yrs ago when he was born.

Ladies I know I have your prayers and I can hear many of you saying just concentrate on self and baby, but some things are so much easier said than done. I know God has not abandon me and I am a very strong woman, but right now I just want to cry and the tears wont come. Instead they are building in my head aching me.

Thanks for the read ladies and see you in the after birth chat.......hugs