17-5-2009 - 8 Weeks...

My mood while writing this blog: Emotional and Depressed

We got here the first hurdle for my pregnancies... 8 WEEKS...I have lost babies at this stage and have been a very worried bunny all week long, I have had horrendous M/S but that has happened to me before so didnt really make me feel as at ease as maybe it would others...I had a couple of days where the m/s was not as bad and was convinced I had lost, until later in the day where it came on with avengence...lol...

My partner and I have been having problems for some time and this has become all the more apparent since this pregnancy came along...I mean like he told me to get a preg test done because I was so tired and when it came up positive just said..."I told you so!"... no hugs, nothing. He says he is happy, but I am not so sure...We have broke up a couple of times in the last few weeks and he was verbally abusive yesterday, the kids got scared and I threw him out, I just dont need it right now...Found out, when I was crying my eyes out in bed, he went to a party at a mates, took some recreational drugs and went out for a night on town...I am very upset and angry with him for this and really dont quite know what to do from here right now...

I am currently 8 weeks and 6 days so I am on the verge of 9 weeks tomorrow...This is when I had my horrendous bleed with Declan, lots of blood, many huge clots, but he stuck in there, This by the way makes me worry no less, I was in a job I hated at the time, where a group of girls were bullying me, I know I know I am a grown woman, but it is no easier when one is your deputy manager and they make you very very uncomfortable, They had put me through a very bad incident and I had made an offhand comment on mypersonal my space, one of them reported me and I was dragged into the boss, the next day the bleeding commenced. So, this time I am lucky to be out of that job and away from such poison, fingers crossed all will be better....

So, first stage of nervousness nearly done, beginning of week 9 is another and all week 10 where I lost babies again. Once we get past these I may relax but not until we get past week 12, where again with Declan I had another massive bleed.

Wish me luck girls, I think I may need all the positivity I can get...