23-5-2009 - Mr Y, meeting a guy online...

My mood while writing this blog: Happy

So i met this guy online a few weeks ago. I will call him Mr Y. He is british, but he working in Switzerland as a personal trainer. In the beginning i couldn't really give him all the attention he deserved because i had some other, personal issues i was dealing with. But now things are going well. I'm letting my guard down and i'm opening to the idea of giving him a go.

He is visiting me in Soth Africa in the beginning of next month. I'm not sure what to make of this. He sounds like a great guy, his phone conversations and emails are always sweet and respectful. He made it clear to me that he only had one thing in mind and that is to settle down and have a family. That is more or less what i have in mind as well.

The other day i blew up at him over the phone for absolutely nothing (did i mention my anger management problems?) He didn't deserve it, but he handled me so well at that moment, i couldn't help but to smile. That means he has a good effect on my sudden outbursts. So ya, i must admit, sometimes i was downright bitchy, but through it all, he saw my deeper pain and fears (the thing with my baby daddy) and he did his best at all times to assure me that he wasn't going anywhere... that he wanted to come see me, and that my moodiness is not going to make his change his mind.

He wrote me a beautiful poem the other day as well as a very deep email where he told me how i made him feel. On the one side, i'm scared that this turns out to be The One, but then i probably mess it up like i did with most of the relationships i had since my baby's birth. To be honest, all of those relationships (3 to be exact) broke up because of my anger issues. But on the other hand i'm looking forward to meet him, to see the gorgeous man (and is he!) behind the beautiful voice on the line.

Fact that he cares about my daughter's wellbeing is another thing that makes me want to definitely meet this guy. He even told me that he will be a great father to Jade and that i must just allow him to do that and more for me. So from today it's the great count down to his arrival in SA. 11 June. I pray to GOD that we will work out. I pray to God that he will be able to handle me and accept me the way i am. I WANT him to be The One!

Pray with me ladies, pray with me! I would love to give Jade a father that loves her and i would love to get married and have more babies with a wonderful, supportive partner! I want this to work out so bad.

Ps: I probably won't be able to afford a shrink or any kind of professional help soon, so does any of you ladies have any advice on how to handle anger issues. I mean like blowing up at your partner when u have an argument, shouting, to the point where u feel like hitting him with something??