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04-5-2009 - The living lie of a sex addict

My mood while writing this blog: destroyed

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So. What is it like to be in a loving trusting relationship? What is it like to feel secure in your marriage; To have your finances in order? What is it like to be with someone you know works their hardest not to hurt you. If anyone out there can tell me please do. I am in need of desperate help right now. For the past year my husband has met numerous women off of craiglsist and had sex with them. His favorite pastime is trolling the shady area's of town looking to get blow job's from prostutites. I was just informed of my husbands secret life yesterday and I am falling apart!!! I WAS HAPPY. Or at least I thought I was. He want to get in counciling and try and make this work. I dont know what to do. My son just cried and cried yesterday because I threw my husband out. He kept saying"but I'll miss daddy". The seriousness of this is such that it is crushing to every person we are involved with. Our sex life has not been that bad. He can go meet some random woman then come home and tell me how beautiful I am and carress my 33 week pregnant belly. I feel like I was just gang raped. I am gutted-torn to shreds. My whole entire life revolves around that man and what we have spent the last 7 years building. I am a stay at home mother with 2 beautiful children. We wait everyday for him to come home so we can all be together and laugh and love. All the while he is patrolling the streets looking for free head. Its a game to him. I have no income-no education-no solid help and my 3rd child is soon to be born. We own our own failing business together. we are inot the Irs for like 20,000.00 and they want to collect. Forgive me for my thoughts ladies but I am desperate. I know there is NO WAY I can take care of a newborn and my other children. What am I supposed to do? Where do I go?? I am considering adoption. I have no resources to take care of this situation without losing everything. How can I go out and get a job like this????Daycare wont even accept your baby untill they are 6 weeks old. So what do I do for the next 13 weeks???? How do I survive? How do I juggle this mountain...If anyone out there knows anything or has been through this please contact me. Ladies I seriously hope you are all happy and in wonderful marriages. Noone deserves this kind of pain.

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10 Comments on The living lie of a sex addict


consmo683 - Friday, 8 May
Ask you OB/GYN or Midwife for a Social Worker who can give you all the help you need right now. Besides financial help, you're gonna need professional help, i mean you need someone to help you clear your thoughts and someone you can talk to about this whole situation. Please don't make any rush decisions, think everything through, and call for help. Also trust GOd and your family, i believe everyone will help you, just dont give up. Call your doctor and find the social worker ASAP, you need it.
I will keep you in my prayers.

NavyMommy09 - Tuesday, 5 May
Jamie- Wolfepack is right. There ARE government programs out there to help. Contact your local Health Dept, Jobs and Family Services, Women's Clinic, and they can get you started on the right track. My mom works for CAO Headstart and it's preschool designed for low income children who are 3-5 years old and potty trained. Check into it. If you have to, start trying to get WIC, or food stamps, or welfare. These programs are designed to help people out. You've paid taxes all these years right? So take advantage of a program you've paid into. There are programs through these agencies that will pay you to go back to school for up to 2 years. Check into your local Community Action Organization and they can help you start making the contacts you need to. It may be a rough few years ahead of you but you're not alone, you're NEVER alone. HE'S going to help you get through this.

WolfePack3 - Tuesday, 5 May
Jamie - I knew that you were going through all of this but just reading your last two blogs. Everyone is right.! Please for your own sake don't give up this baby. Where there is a will there is a way! There are so many government programs out there that will help you get by. You would be approved for food stamps / wic / government housing (i am not sure how it all works but it's out there! Start looking) If you have too, share with your mom and dad and I am sure that they would take your in or atleast help! Hang in there, as there is ALWAYS a light at the end of EVERY tunnel! We are here if you need to chat. Christy :)

rooey - Tuesday, 5 May
Poppet, I am at a loss for words. All I will say is that you are not alone, and there is and will be people there willing and wanting to help you. Please please dont give up, you are a strong women and you can fight his lame arse! Be Strong honey, I know it is easier said than done, but you have to for your babies, they need their mother, and you need them.

Thinking of you, I wish there was something I could do :o(
Sending you BIG REASSURING HUGS
xxxx

MCollinsRN - Tuesday, 5 May
Jamie--You need to sit back and reflect on the enormity of what he has done. Not once, twice, but NUMEROUS times. He has a problem, let him deal with what he has done alone. To hell with counseling--what if he would have given you and the baby a disease; AIDS! I know this sounds harsh but this is a lifestyle choice he has made. You are a smart woman--keep your baby, you will never forgive yourself if you give him up. Lots of people rely on the system for assistance. File backruptcy, leave his ass, start over--so you no longer have to worry about being hurt anymore. Make phone calls for local resources, they are absolutely there if you just look! People can and will want to help you. I would go to file for WIC, medicaid, everything right now. I am a firm believer everything happens for a reason--maybe this is a path God is redirecting you on right now. I am thinking about you and all three of your babies and praying for you. Stay strong, you will amaze yourself how smart and capable you are. Lots of hugs and prayers your way....xxxx

Bsbabyblues - Tuesday, 5 May
OMG Jamie...I am shocked. I honestly didn't know people were really like this. I whole-heartedly agree with everyone's comments saying that you should get child support from him. But Jamie - you cannot give you're baby up for adoption. There has to be some organization in Columbus that can help you. Do you have family in town you can get help from? Close friends? You certainly don't need this amount of stress in your life right now (or ever for that matter). If I come up with any "brilliant" ideas I'll let you know. I the mean time, take care of yourself and keep me posted. xxxxx

johnsbabymama - Tuesday, 5 May
I'm so sorry to hear all this happening to you. You really don't deserve it. I can't even imagine the stress you are under. But you have to stay strong. You can pull through this tough time. And don't give your baby up, you will regret it the rest of your life. The first thing you need to do is apply for foodstamps, medical, housing, WIC, and child support, and divorce. I'm sorry to say this, but it will never work out with your selfish husband. He is only worried about himself, and is untrustworthy. No counseling will fix the pain and hurt that he caused you. You deserve so much better, and so do your children. There is a life after divorce, it will be hard. But you don't want to be with someone that you know isn't your soulmate or your true love. Your kids might be to young to understand now, but they don't want to see there mommy sad and hurt, and thats how you will feel if your still with him. Looking at his face would be a constant reminder of how bad he hurt you. Is there anyone you can stay with?

kamo - Monday, 4 May
Jamie, how broken hearted to hear this. I know you are feeling so overwhelmed with emotions and reality right now. But first things first-- that's the health of yourself and that baby you're carrying. I know that it hurts like hell, but you have to dig through the pain and be there for yourself and mostly ALL of your children. Honestly, I don't even know what I would do in your situation, but I do know that I can't allow any man to destroy my pride, my self-dignity, and the love I have for myself and my children. I can understand the fear that you may experience dealing with finances, but do you have family you can trust? Do you even have friends you can trust? If not, then I would turn to other resources. Do you have anyone that can babysit as you look for a job. Or find something online that may bring income as you stay home with your kids. I agree that your husband will be obligated to support your children, inside or ouside your home, however I'm sure that will take a process to put into place. Have him watch the kids when you look for help. Can his family help? At this point, you can't put it all on your shoulders and you must seek help financially and emotionally. Maybe you can keep him in the home as you are able to stand on your feet. I don't know what to say--- I am still so in shock to hear all of this. I will pray for you and your family and check with you soon. Please, please take care of yourself. Talk soon.

kelly5150rn - Monday, 4 May
My fiance had disclosed to me during some rough times that he too is a sex addict. He cheated on me getting oral sex from prostitutes while I was pregnant. He said that it isnt about the actual act or that he didn't love me but the "high" he got from it. It is an addiction. He is currently in treatment & goes to SA meetings. The key to recovery is being honest. I know this hurts.... please be strong. He is sick & maybe with your support you can work things out. If you have any questions or need to talk I'm here.

caidensmom07 - Monday, 4 May
Can you get unemployment to get you through until you can find a job?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I dont know what i would do in your situation...if I would consider counseling or move on by myself.