12-5-2009 - Recovery Nation 5 weeks left

My mood while writing this blog: optimistic yet bitter

For anyone out there who is struggling with sex addiction or has a partner that is there is a website called recoverynation.com/

It has so many resources that can help...and the best thing is it is all free.

Time has flown by..I only have 5 more weeks left-Wonderful. I am so ready to have my body back again.

For those of you who have been reading my blogs since the beginning Im sure you can remeber my big dilema with my doctors vs midwifes etc..I finally realized that most of that scared feeling originated from what was going on with my personal life. Since my husband "came out" so to speak my mental state has completely changed. I went from a fear state of mind into a more rational, faith way of thinking. I was unstable thats for sure but none of this had anything to do with my doctors or midwives..It was coming from an undercurrent in my own home where there was a huge lack of trust that left me feeling afraid and helpless. I cant believe I didnt see what was really going on. A part of me was in denial. I focused all my energy this pregnancy and baby. I was on this website in the TTC room for almost a year. It consumed every area of my life including my marriage. BBT's charting extensive research-My husband and I stopped comunicating somewhere along the way. I became obsessed with TTC and having another baby and my husband became obsessed with boredom and filled it the only way he knew how-sex. This all started about 6 months into TTC again after I had a miscarriage. I cant help but wonder if it is somehow related. The first time he got a BJ was about a month after the MC. I spent hours a day online looking up baby stuff, and he spent hours a day online looking at sex. There was a huge gap in our relationship and we were both trying to fill it with the things we thought made us happy....I guess this is a lesson in maturing. We were both trying to drown out stress..hindsight is 20/20. Now whats next. We are trying to acknowledge the issues that started this whole mess. As for our marriage it is WAY too soon to know anything about that for sure. We have started an extensive 12 week course on intimacy and relationship skills. We have learned the sex addiction was just a symptom of our deeper problems that we need to face and fix. Not just for our marriage but for ourselves as individuals so that we can begin to build a foundation that is solid and not made of sand. Wether our marriage survives or not we still have children we adore and have to raise together, so we must figure out a way to communicate that facillitates their growth in a healthy way. We dont want our kids to play out our same cycles in life that we have adopted from our our parents. We are focusing on health and recovery. Once again thatnk you all for the support! BTW- Im no longer nervous about labor and delivery at all...before I would have a panic attack just thinking about it..Now I know everything is gonna be alright....