| jas1987 | |
 | Age: 24 Country: AU Province/region: New South Wales City: Partner: Fianc'e Chris Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Trying to conceive Occupation: STAHM |
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6 Comments on Time to Walk Away!
nycmommy - Thursday, 19 Mar
i've been with my hubby for 7 years we met when we were 16/17 and have been together ever since we moved in with each other a year after we met i had my first daughter in 2005 around '07 things started changing i felt exactly as you described in short trapped was a pretty good description we no longer talked he seemed to be interested in other things besides me we were always arguing and bickering at the smallest things in sept of '07 i had had enough and told him i needed a break i just couldn't see anyother way around it i think the fact that we met and moved in together at such a young age finally caught up to me i wanted to do other things and felt as if our paths were leading us in different directions.... our main problem was the lack of communication when i told him that i think we should split up that changed everything.... he told me to think about it that if that was what i really wanted then he would give me my space but that he loved me and that this was how he had pictured his life finding someone and having a child young ..... we tried working things out and started talking more i told him what i didn't like and asked him to start showing some interest in me etc..... and thats when i realized that the more we communicate the better we get along and the less misunderstandings we have.... by jan i was pregnant with my little guy and i have to say he's done a complete 360 he's not the same person he was when we were having problems..... The advice i give you is that you have to talk things out make him listen..... and make him telll you how he feels.... also find soemthing you can do that makes you feel independant because sometimes being a mom and wife just doesn't cut it and definatly makes you feel trapped.... like i said i felt that the only way out was by us splitting by in my heart i knew i still loved him i just didn't like feeling the way i felt.... COMMUNICATION is the most important thing....... I really hope you can work something out..... take care.....
alijo - Thursday, 19 Mar
I just wanted to say that dh and I had a really hard time of it after Xander was born. No sex life, little communication etc. I knew I was struggling, but it turns out he was just emotionally struggling with fatherhood too, and was in a very depressed place. we both got counseling and we are much better. I am not saying this is the same situation that you are in, but I do know that a lot of couples have trouble after a baby is born. I think seeking counseling is great advice. You deserve to be happy, and if this relationship is not right for you, then the best thing for you and your baby is to end it. However, you need to just make sure it's the right thing. Anyways, that's just my opinion. HUGS!!!!!! My thoughts are with you!
WhatCouldBe2 - Wednesday, 18 Mar
PS I am by no means siding with him, just wanted to bring a new perspective before things go too far. Take care hun.
WhatCouldBe2 - Wednesday, 18 Mar
Seriously dearie, sometimes in relationships its easy to lose sight of everything good and even the other persons individuality. It is very easy to be insecure also and have suspicion when you have been hurt by someone very dear to you (ie your father) you begin to think that all people could be that aweful. The BEST advice I can give you is to SEEK COUNSELING so that there is a fair and unjudgemental ground to sort everything out on. You have your dear child to consider, and your fiance' will always be his father. Its hard but but do it for your baby. Remember how easy it is to be insecure when you have been hurt, because sometimes we don't realize what's really going on with ourselves emotionally, I've been there.
anniemarie - Wednesday, 18 Mar
i really think that before you make a decision like this you need to either a) talk to him about everything you're feeling. maybe even write it down so that you can really get out what's bothering you and how it's affecting you. try to use "i" statements so that he doesn't feel attacked and won't get defensive. something like when this happens i feel....or even just starting off by saying i feel....etc. (try to avoid you statements as ppl tend to just get defensive and shut down) talking might get you 2 back on the same page. a lot of times the hardest things to say can bring you closer together...at the same time it can also make you both realize this isn't what you want anymore or that you're not on the same page. but either way it's a start. option b) let him know that right now you need some time away and some time to think because things are not working well for you guys and go visit your family. sometimes time away can help to gain perspective. also know that most times ppl don't change. so if there are things that have been going on most likely it will only change for a short duration and then it will go back to how it was before. ----did something specific happen? i only ask because awhile ago i thought you guys were super happy and trying to have another baby? but then in your blog you said that your sex life is non-existent. just curious is all, and don't feel like you have to answer my questions just trying to help you sort everything out. in my experience (and i have not done a very good job of choosing guys, but only 1 has ever cheated on me) most times your intuition is right. if you have a "feeling" that somethings going on and he has ample amounts of time or really shady stories then yeah, there probably is someone else. happened to me with my son's "father" who is now supposedly engaged...but he's not in our life and i'm VERY happy he's not. on the flip side sometimes i believe in self fulfilled prophecies...basically saying if we think and ask constantly about our guys cheating usually it comes true cuz in their minds they're like, well she already thinks i am so what's the difference. ture not all men are like this, i hope that most aren't, just trying to give you a little bit of both sides of the situation....not sure if that helps but sometimes just hearing others talk can help.....thoughts and prayers to you and your family!
sammy28 - Wednesday, 18 Mar
Well you definately cant live like this. Its not healty for you or your baby. I would seriously try to sit down with him and see where things stand. It dosnt sound like you truley want to end things but he is driving you away by the way he has been treating you lately and the possibility that there is someone else. Also, remember...Its not uncommon for a baby to put a damper in your relationship. You get so wrapped up in your LO that you forget about yourselves. Alot of people I know are running into this problem. Do you have family you could turn to?? If you have no money and no job how would that be possible for you to get out on your own? He isnt abusive at all is he??? Sorry to pry.
| 18-3-2009 - Time to Walk Away! |  My mood while writing this blog:Un Happy |
So my fianc'e and i have been together for two years and we have a nearly 5 month old baby boy together.
I was so in love in the beginning and thought he was the one and couldn't live without him. He was so caring, kind, generous and he made me happy.
But two years later our sex life has died, i can't talk to him, he doesn't even try to understand... I think there maybe someone else i have asked him about it and he swears there is no one else and he only loves me but i still have this feeling he's hiding something.. We're always at each other, not so much yelling but just getting angry and grumpy and then we just don't talk... This happens nearly everyday.
I'm not happy anymore, i feel trapped, with no where to go... I was looking at rental property in my own home and than i thought, how am i suppose to get my pets and furniture down there as it's a 18 hour train ride maybe longer. I have no car no money as i am staying home to look after William our baby, all day.
He know's i will never leave my pets and belongings behind with him, so he know's i won't leave. But i've had enough...
Any advice would help!
6 Comments on Time to Walk Away!
nycmommy - Thursday, 19 Mar
i've been with my hubby for 7 years we met when we were 16/17 and have been together ever since we moved in with each other a year after we met i had my first daughter in 2005 around '07 things started changing i felt exactly as you described in short trapped was a pretty good description we no longer talked he seemed to be interested in other things besides me we were always arguing and bickering at the smallest things in sept of '07 i had had enough and told him i needed a break i just couldn't see anyother way around it i think the fact that we met and moved in together at such a young age finally caught up to me i wanted to do other things and felt as if our paths were leading us in different directions.... our main problem was the lack of communication when i told him that i think we should split up that changed everything.... he told me to think about it that if that was what i really wanted then he would give me my space but that he loved me and that this was how he had pictured his life finding someone and having a child young ..... we tried working things out and started talking more i told him what i didn't like and asked him to start showing some interest in me etc..... and thats when i realized that the more we communicate the better we get along and the less misunderstandings we have.... by jan i was pregnant with my little guy and i have to say he's done a complete 360 he's not the same person he was when we were having problems..... The advice i give you is that you have to talk things out make him listen..... and make him telll you how he feels.... also find soemthing you can do that makes you feel independant because sometimes being a mom and wife just doesn't cut it and definatly makes you feel trapped.... like i said i felt that the only way out was by us splitting by in my heart i knew i still loved him i just didn't like feeling the way i felt.... COMMUNICATION is the most important thing....... I really hope you can work something out..... take care.....
alijo - Thursday, 19 Mar
I just wanted to say that dh and I had a really hard time of it after Xander was born. No sex life, little communication etc. I knew I was struggling, but it turns out he was just emotionally struggling with fatherhood too, and was in a very depressed place. we both got counseling and we are much better. I am not saying this is the same situation that you are in, but I do know that a lot of couples have trouble after a baby is born. I think seeking counseling is great advice. You deserve to be happy, and if this relationship is not right for you, then the best thing for you and your baby is to end it. However, you need to just make sure it's the right thing. Anyways, that's just my opinion. HUGS!!!!!! My thoughts are with you!
WhatCouldBe2 - Wednesday, 18 Mar
PS I am by no means siding with him, just wanted to bring a new perspective before things go too far. Take care hun.
WhatCouldBe2 - Wednesday, 18 Mar
Seriously dearie, sometimes in relationships its easy to lose sight of everything good and even the other persons individuality. It is very easy to be insecure also and have suspicion when you have been hurt by someone very dear to you (ie your father) you begin to think that all people could be that aweful. The BEST advice I can give you is to SEEK COUNSELING so that there is a fair and unjudgemental ground to sort everything out on. You have your dear child to consider, and your fiance' will always be his father. Its hard but but do it for your baby. Remember how easy it is to be insecure when you have been hurt, because sometimes we don't realize what's really going on with ourselves emotionally, I've been there.
anniemarie - Wednesday, 18 Mar
i really think that before you make a decision like this you need to either a) talk to him about everything you're feeling. maybe even write it down so that you can really get out what's bothering you and how it's affecting you. try to use "i" statements so that he doesn't feel attacked and won't get defensive. something like when this happens i feel....or even just starting off by saying i feel....etc. (try to avoid you statements as ppl tend to just get defensive and shut down) talking might get you 2 back on the same page. a lot of times the hardest things to say can bring you closer together...at the same time it can also make you both realize this isn't what you want anymore or that you're not on the same page. but either way it's a start. option b) let him know that right now you need some time away and some time to think because things are not working well for you guys and go visit your family. sometimes time away can help to gain perspective. also know that most times ppl don't change. so if there are things that have been going on most likely it will only change for a short duration and then it will go back to how it was before. ----did something specific happen? i only ask because awhile ago i thought you guys were super happy and trying to have another baby? but then in your blog you said that your sex life is non-existent. just curious is all, and don't feel like you have to answer my questions just trying to help you sort everything out. in my experience (and i have not done a very good job of choosing guys, but only 1 has ever cheated on me) most times your intuition is right. if you have a "feeling" that somethings going on and he has ample amounts of time or really shady stories then yeah, there probably is someone else. happened to me with my son's "father" who is now supposedly engaged...but he's not in our life and i'm VERY happy he's not. on the flip side sometimes i believe in self fulfilled prophecies...basically saying if we think and ask constantly about our guys cheating usually it comes true cuz in their minds they're like, well she already thinks i am so what's the difference. ture not all men are like this, i hope that most aren't, just trying to give you a little bit of both sides of the situation....not sure if that helps but sometimes just hearing others talk can help.....thoughts and prayers to you and your family!
sammy28 - Wednesday, 18 Mar
Well you definately cant live like this. Its not healty for you or your baby. I would seriously try to sit down with him and see where things stand. It dosnt sound like you truley want to end things but he is driving you away by the way he has been treating you lately and the possibility that there is someone else. Also, remember...Its not uncommon for a baby to put a damper in your relationship. You get so wrapped up in your LO that you forget about yourselves. Alot of people I know are running into this problem. Do you have family you could turn to?? If you have no money and no job how would that be possible for you to get out on your own? He isnt abusive at all is he??? Sorry to pry.
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Latest blogs
25-8-2010 - 20 Weeks
17-6-2010 - Pregnancy 10 weeks
03-5-2010 - Pregnant
14-9-2009 - William's 1st Birthday Planning
27-7-2009 - Weight Loss!!!
28-4-2009 - Trying For Number 2!!!
18-3-2009 - Time to Walk Away!
21-10-2008 - Miracle Baby
13-9-2008 - natural or medicated
07-8-2008 - Baby Shopping
21-6-2008 - WHY AM I SO SCARED
08-5-2008 - Unwanted Baby
25-8-2010 - 20 Weeks
17-6-2010 - Pregnancy 10 weeks
03-5-2010 - Pregnant
14-9-2009 - William's 1st Birthday Planning
27-7-2009 - Weight Loss!!!
28-4-2009 - Trying For Number 2!!!
18-3-2009 - Time to Walk Away!
21-10-2008 - Miracle Baby
13-9-2008 - natural or medicated
07-8-2008 - Baby Shopping
21-6-2008 - WHY AM I SO SCARED
08-5-2008 - Unwanted Baby
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