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17-11-2009 - mother n law

My mood while writing this blog: grrrr

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Just got back from dr's and skylarjay is almost a pound!!! all is great with her and the pregnancy!!!

Now to the venting!!! Lets start with who and when and why do you name your child after someone? this is the most ridiculous selfish thing ivs ever had to deal with, it seems that his mom will never forgive us if we DO NOT name OUR daughter after her, can you believe this shit!!!!!! I mean this women whom Ive know almost a year has taken it upon herself to battle us with guilt, selfishness and just plain meanness about the name. We have already named OUR daughter, SkylarJay Elizabeth. We love this name, Skylar cause it's way cool, Jay after daddy and Elizabeth after my best friend who is my hero and Ive known for over 25 years. Why is this woman whom Ive been so nice to doing this to us, James sister named her daughter after her mom so I thought (in the begining of baby name stage) that since it's taken, it's taken. period! This will be my parents 34th grandchild and his mom's 10th so my parents could care less just as long as we have a healthy baby. Why is she acting like this, she told me this is how we could could repay her for raising james, ARE YOU FRICKEN KIDDING ME? Any help or advice would be so appreceiated!!!! Im dying to know what Im supposed to say in a tactful way to keep our relationship going in a healthy way!!!

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7 Comments on mother n law


jen33469 - Thursday, 19 Nov
Thank you all so very much! MIL has called and still is upset about the name! It's getting tiresome and hubby tries to talk to her but she is one stubborn woman and it wears him out becuz he doesne't want or can't be "mean" to her. I just don't want to start a strife that goes on forever about this, ya know.Thank you all so much and I will keep u updated.

phonics - Wednesday, 18 Nov
Well I have MIL issues too, but I will say this. That is very selfish of her. How does your hubbyfeel about what she is asking. First of all she is NOT beign tactful so why should you? How do you try to FORCE someone to name THEIR kid after you? It is their kid and their choice on what to call their kid. Plus if you already have one namesake why do you need another? She probably just want bragging rights. Anyway what mother expects her kid to repay her for being a parent. That is what you do. You have kids and you raise them. This is not some game where you raise them and then they have to pay you back in return. THis is not an exchange program. Just keep the name you have. Tell her that you understand she wants you to name your daughter after her, but you already have a name picked out and that is the one you are going to stick to. Just say it without any menance to your voice. Also tell her that since she already had a namesake (kid named after her) that in your opinion the name was taken and you do not want to use it again. So basically you are being honest. If she wants to get nasty that is on her. I am still in shock that she would try to guilt you and force you into something like that. That is childish and selfish beyond compare.

mumma-stace - Tuesday, 17 Nov
in my honest opinion she needs to learn about BOUNDARIES and that in this instance she has SEVERLY CROSSED IT!!! you just need to say something like - i understand you would like our baby named after you but you need to accept that we do not wish to do this. She may cry or scream - that is ok - she is reacting in a way that only she knows how to do!! so say - i understand that you are upset and that is ok - you are allowed to be upset but you have no right to have these kinds of expectations!! she needs to learn her place and that you and the dad are together now therefore she needs to take a step back and allow your family to make their own decisions. maybe say - you would love her support in this and would love for her to accept it and move on b4 this causes too much stress in the pregnancy. I had similar with my first pregnancy - had a boy and MIL wanted the middle name to be the same as all the boys in their family .. hubby and i didnt agree and we stood our ground. at the end of the day - this is YOUR baby - not hers!!! if she wants a baby to be named after her - then she needs to have another baby or get a dog for crying out loud!! GOOD LUCK!! let me know how you go xxx

jcombs - Tuesday, 17 Nov
Girl, just deal with her out of love. That is the only thing you can do without trying to ring her neck...LOL. You have to laugh at it and take her mess like a grain of salt bc Im sure she has more up her sleeve when the baby comes. Its hard but trust me it works :) Just nod and say ok uh huh..LOL. Keep your head up and it will work out...Kill her with kindness

skoehn - Tuesday, 17 Nov
Well, you are naming your child after your father and your best friend....perhaps she's just a little hurt you didn't choose her. Either way, it's still you and your husband's choice.

Nikki1606 - Tuesday, 17 Nov
just tell her bluntly, its my daughter and i wanted the joy of being able to PICK out a unique name with my husband. im sorry if you feel un-appreciated but we love you very much and are just choosing not to name her after you. hope that helps! mother in laws can be sooooo annoying!!! trust me, i know :P good luck! and skylarjay is a really cool name!!!

3rdbabyat38 - Tuesday, 17 Nov
Let your husband deal with her. Guilt is so selfish and crappy. Your husband has known her all of his life and he will be the one to know when and if she will get over it. For goodness sake, you aren't a teen mom who can be bullied. I know we always want to please our m-i-l but if she can say this kind of crap then she isn't one to be pleased. It will be her loss if she doesn't want to forgive yall. Oh and why should you have to repay her for raising her son???? He didn't ask to be born and you had no choice in the matter. You are celebrating your husband's life by creating a new one with him. Try not to take it out on hubby but do let him know that you won't tolerate her treats or guilt and he needs to be the go between and handle her. xxx ooo,Tina