21-1-2009 - starting to get worried....

My mood while writing this blog: worriedish

ok so as most of u know Im 17 weeks its getting close to about the time my baby curtis died he passed at 22 weeks....Im starting to get scared and worried I dunno what to do I know Im not getting my hopes up but still doesnt make this any easier ...its amazing on how just such a short time u get so attached and I worry is he or she kicking me enough....am I eating enough...and will I know if something is wrong.....I still miss baby curtis its not fair how all this has happend too me....its actually really really scary I wasent ready nor prepared for this new baby and Im having mixed emotions I dont wanna get my hopes up you know...I feel just awful for all those woman out there who are having trouble concieving and wishing for a baby I know how they feel I can get pregnant I just cant carry it I keep hopeing but u know after the fact this is number 4 baby Im soo scared I dont know if I can handle it again,....Im still hurting from the last one...and I feel strong cause Im still here but weak all at the same time .....Im so scared I have felt this new baby which is odd I never felt baby curtis like this....but I get worried if I dont feel her or him for a couple days ......anything that any one can suggest to calm my nerves? please keep praying for me and send me lots of positive energy I need it lol !! anyways gonna try and clean ha ha like thats gonna happen lol

Much Love to u all and hope all ur pregnancys are going well

Love Jess