21-4-2009 - To The Beach!

My mood while writing this blog: *shrugs*

The day before yesterday my boyfriend called me from work to ask how I would like to "be a beach bum tomorrow." Following the question was an invitation to go to the beach with him and two of his friends who are dating. Thinking this sounded like a double date (and a potentially rather romantic one) I agreed wholeheartedly, reminding him we'd have to take certain precautions because of Devon.

Before we left, I found out about two extra passengers; buddies of Dave who'd overheard the beach planning and wanted to go. I have to admit, I kind of saw my expectations for the day go down the drain. Though Dave is very attentive to me, I sometimes feel like the only right thing to do is tell him to go ahead and join his friends; I'm fine with the baby. Since neither of us had been to the beach for a while and there'd be a little circle of his friends there wanting to spend time w/ him, I kind of figured this would turn into one of those times.

When we got to the beach 3 hours late (Picking up Dave's friends was dependant on their being available and despite the fact the trip was planned a day in advance, they weren't for a couple hours.) the wind was blowing hard and it was cold. His buddies had brought along a bottle and built a bonfire so the temperature was tollerable...I only used the fire. Devon was wrapped in layers of blankets and had to be in someone's arms the entire time because with all the passengers there wasn't room for his seat, just the one in the van that can't be removed without a great deal of hassle. Dave took the first shift with Devon and I took advantage of my free moment to walk along the beach. A story was told at my sister's memorial service about her staying in a beach house. In the morning, the girl she was sharing a bed with woke up and wondered about all the sand in the bed and was answered in laughter. Apparently, Amy had gone running naked on the beach the night before... and that's what I was thinking about when I caught back up with Dave and Devon.

In time, Devon ended up in my arms as I figured he would. The part I hadn't figured on was that he'd be fussing by the time he got to me. Since we were keeping him pretty well covered, it was difficult to see him and lifting the blankets put them in the path of the wind and they would take on a life of their own. I finally opted to take Devon back to the van. It was my first time on the beach sober in four years and I spent the majority of it tied down to a baby. Still, it was a trip to the beach, and it was time with my son. So what do I have to complain about?

I think the whole trip just helped open my eyes about what life as a parent is like. The last month has done a lot in that way, but I hadn't yet realized that vacations and spur-of-the moment trips to places like Silver Creek Falls and the Shore wouldn't just require more planning, I simply won't be free to enjoy it the same as I was before. I can't take long walks and be gone for hours meandering about the neighborhood visiting friends, but it bothers me more that I can't have my old freedom on the few occasions I do get out into nature... Once he can walk, or I get a carrier, I know this will change. But for now, the whole thing is just very sobering...

We got on the road on time which was good because we were working with a time limit because Dave's mom needed the van to get back to work. We stpped at his place to