jturner82's I-am-pregnantblog

jturner82
	Age: 27 Country: United States Province/region: Kentucky City: Louisville Partner: Joshua, husband Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: No Occupation: Registered Nurse
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 324 days ago. Member since: 1289 days
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23-8-2009 - Depressed - I think I need medicine

My mood while writing this blog:
Sad

So, DH and I went out with our 2 close friends last night to watch District 9 (which was amazing, btw), then we went to Chili's to eat afterwards.

Our friends informed us at dinner that they are expecting their first child; they tried one month. She never had a period.

At the time, we were in the restaurant, so I was overjoyed and acting very happy for them, when in reality, I wanted to scream and burst into tears. My husband and I shot each other glances a couple of times across the table, and I could tell he knew what heartache I was feeling at the time. I feel so selfish for not being capable of being as happy as I should be for them, because we are really close friends.

We have now been trying 15 months (next week), and we're still currently waiting on my next cycle in order to get scheduled for the hysterosalpingogram. I am worried that scheduling that test is going to conflict with my new work schedule, since I am starting a new job next Monday. It will have to be scheduled for September 11, a Friday, because that particular Xray department only does the test on Fridays.

I am so depressed and disappointed right now, I honestly think I would benefit from anti-depressants. This whole situation is torture. I keep thinking to myself, "What have I done to deserve this?" and "It's all my fault; I am the problem preventing us from having a family."

I cannot take this much longer. Something has to be done. It is all I ever think about anymore. Even when I DON'T want to think about it, it's constantly on my mind.

2 Comments on Depressed - I think I need medicine

femi - Sunday, 23 Aug
I ran into this blog entry and although we did not try as long as you (consecutively), we did try for a total of 18 months before that BFP ... I say total because we took a 2-3 month break in between because it was too much. Have you tried taking a break from actively TTC?

DiandClover - Sunday, 23 Aug
I understand the roller coaster of TTC. Hearing 'just relax, it will happen in time' can make you want to scream. I hope the HSG is just what you need to 'renovate' your uterus and tubes to make a perfect environment for a baby to stick! In the mean time, if you are finding TTC all consuming, taking to a doctor about some options for medication might be worthwhile. I truly hope your TTC journey ends with a BFP very soon, to end the torture. I think TTC is one of the most stressful times in a woman's life when it does not happen as planned, and very hard on a couple too. Stay strong, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

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